Page 51 of Catch Me
“Do you still feel...” He trailed off and looked to the side uncomfortably.
“No,” I replied honestly. “It’s just this piece of my past that feels like it’s part of a bigger puzzle.”
“You know what that puzzle is.”
“No.” I shook my head firmly. “I don’t...I don’t know right now.”
“Okay. It’s okay not to know. You’re trying to figure it out, and that’s a good thing. Can I tell you something about it, though?”
“Sure.”
“You’re going to feel scared, but that doesn’t mean you should stop. It means you need to keep going, because that fear won’t go away until you’re able to look at the finished puzzle. It’s gonna hurt. The way you feel right now will come back a lot. I said this to Brooks when he was in a really bad place: We can’t change that we’re afraid of something, but some things are worth taking risks for.”
“How do I know which things?”
“You’ll just feel it like you do right now.”
“Fuck.” I swiped a hand down my face and tried to pull myself together. “I don’t have to be, right?”
His eyes softened. “You are what you are.”
“I’m not.”
“Okay.”
“This isn’t really why I called. I just wanted to say that I’m sorry.”
“For?”
“All of it. The things I said to you and about you. The way I treated you. I don’t like who I was then, and today, I realized that I don’t really like who I am now. So, I’m trying to fix that, I guess.”
“Hm. I was really never hurt by it, but you pissed me off a hell of a lot. But I appreciate the apology. I think Alex needs it more.”
“I’ll get there. Uh, I think I’m gonna go.”
“Yeah, sure. Brooks is pacing like a cat anyway. And Roman? When you get that puzzle put together, call me. I’ll pick up, but just the once.”
I smiled a little. “Thanks, Til.”
“Course. But one for old times’ sake.” He flipped me off before he ended the call.
Did I feel better? No. I felt worse, actually, but he did say this shit wouldn’t really get easier, which sucked.
There wasn’t anything else for me to do, and I sure as hell didn’t want to think about that conversation right now. I’d work out the shit in my head eventually. It didn’t matter what he thought or what Leo had said.
Nothing was for sure.
Everything was normal, just like I was.
Chapter 17
Travis
When I came into the kitchen, I intended to talk to Roman because I heard him leave his room earlier. He was on the phone with Tilian, of all people. I didn’t want to bother him or interrupt, so I decided to leave him alone. All I heard was him apologizing, which I wasn’t going to read into. Whatever their deal was, it wasn’t my business.
Instead of returning to my room, I opened a coat closet and grabbed a pack of cigarettes I stashed there. I rarely smoked, but they were for times like this when I felt like shit in a multitude of ways.
I wanted to apologize to Roman for overstepping when I came to the stadium and for the way I responded on the deck. The thing was, his words got to me. I’d made it a point not to make him uncomfortable, and I didn’t really think that he was, but he’d lashed out, and frankly, I was tired of it. There was no reason for me to keep dealing with his shit. Four days of this was enough.
