Page 6 of Otter Heart
James cocked his head to the side, giving me a good once over. “Whatever it is, we’re gonna figure it out, okay? I know you and I don’t know each other as well as you and Rowan, but I’m still here for you.” He gave me a nudge. “Now that you’re here full time, maybe we can start hanging out, huh?”
“Thanks,” I nodded. “And I’d like that.” I paused for a moment. “You know, leaving all my friends and family back in the city was almost too easy. It was like we were just coasting along without really caring for one another too much.” I glanced up at him, feeling a bit embarrassed by what I was about to say. “But when I thought of you and Rowan, I couldn’t bear the idea of leaving you two behind. That’s when I knew this was the right place to be. If anyone could help me get myself figured out, it’s you two. You… You’re kinda like family to me.”
Without a word, James threw his arms around me and pulled me in tight. My skin buzzed from the contact. It had been a long time since someone who actually gave a shit about me gave me a hug.
“Am I interrupting something?” Rowan asked, standing there with a cooler in his hands. “Are you stealing my boyfriend?”
“God no!” I sputtered. “I’m not that much of a dick!”
“Rowan, shut up and come hug your friend,” James ordered, waving him over.
Rowan dropped the cooler immediately and jogged over, throwing his arms around both of us. “Is something wrong?”
“It was,” I replied, holding them both as a smile pulled at my lips. I felt a rush of affection for the pair and a tear threatened at the corner of my eye. “But it’s getting better already.”
???
“One hundred guys,” James said, leaning back in his chair.
We’d just finished eating and I’d taken most of the meal to tell them about my issues and my plans to correct them.
“You’re putting me to shame,” James added, patting his stomach. “I went through a few dozen before I met Rowan. Honestly, I kinda had a similar issue. Everyone wanted to fuck me, but nobody wanted to stick around afterward. I thought it was just because of the twink fantasy, though.”
“Well,” I sighed. “I’m not a twink and I’m a top.”
“Do you have a twelve-inch dick or something?”
I laughed at that. “Thankfully no. It’s over average, but not a trophy dick, by any means. So, I don’t think it’s that.”
James hesitated. “Uh… is your… I don’t mean this to be rude, but is your technique really bad or something?”
“If it is, nobody has ever complained about it,” I shrugged. “Every guy I date wants to fuck all the time, so I feel like I’m doing okay in that department.” I glanced between the pair of them. “Am I ugly? Do I smell? Am I the biggest weirdo ever?”
“You’re not weird,” Rowan replied, shaking his head. “And you know you’re gorgeous. You always have been. Also, the last time you smelled bad was in college after an all-night bender at a frat party.”
“Oh god,” I muttered, the memories making my stomach turn. I’d pukedso muchthat night. “I don’t need to relive that.” I took a moment, raking my fingers through my hair and rubbing my eyes. “So, what’s driving all these guys away? Am I justan insatiable prick? Or maybe my personality is just garbage, I guess…”
“What do they tell you when you break up?”
“Most of them just say they aren’t into it anymore. But the last guy said something I don’t understand.”
“What?”
“Are you really so blind that you can’t see what kind of guy you are?” I repeated, the words stinging as they left my lips. “What does that even mean?”
James and Rowan exchanged a knowing look, both of their faces filled with hesitation as they looked back at me.
“What?” I asked, my head snapping back and forth. “What is it you’re afraid to say?”
“I don’t…”
“No,” I said, pointing a finger at Rowan. “Don’t hold back. Tell me!”
“Let me ask you something first,” he said, holding up a hand to stop my retort. “What kind of relationship did you have with this guy? What did you two do?”
“I don’t know,” I shrugged. “We hung out, we fucked, and we went out to clubs together. It was pretty typical. Sometimes he’d spend whole weekends at my place and that’s pretty much all we did.”
“Okay. What did he do for work?”
