Page 5 of Burn It Down
2
Book boyfriends are way better than real ones. I can contest to that truth. Sitting in a corner coffee shop reading about Dex and Camille, my favorite submissive couple, I was certain of this fact. It was pouring rain out and freezing, and the coffee shop was warm and cozy.
Dex is a prime example of that. I’m four books into a series about him meeting the perfect woman ad actually realizing it. They were so hot for each other it took seven books to work that shit out.
I knew what that was like, though. If I were to write a book about the hottest I had ever been for someone, it would take a fucking library. Finn Cooper was basically an Adonis; 6’7 with a body full of muscles like mountains. Silky, dirty blonde hair and the bluest eyes I had ever seen. Plus, he was packing a python. In his pants.
Damn, I missed that. Finn was talented with what God gave him. His mouth, his cock, his hands. Jesus, the man knew where to touch me, where to kiss me, how long to tease me before I was begging for more. I always begged. It was downright shameful, really.
Finn didn’t seem to think so, though. Seemed to view it as his God damn job to get me begging for him to make me come. Toletme come. Though I didn’t have anything to compare him to really, I was certain he was the best sex I’d ever have.
Finn Cooper was also my brother Cage Cooper’s best friend. No relation, obviously. A little more than two months ago, we started something both of us knew we shouldn’t. I'd known Finn most my life; he and Cage had been inseparable since junior high. They'd a last name and just about everything else since.
Even then, Finn was beautiful. He was always a little broken because his family was a mess. I think that’s why I was always drawn to him the way I was. Our family was a fairy-tale. My pop met my mom, the appropriate sparks flew, the heavens sang, and they started their happily ever after. A month after their first date, they wed, and forty-five years later were still going strong.
We were like a storybook family, and Finn knew nothing of that. His parents were gone before we met him. Finn had been left in the care of his delinquent brothers and shameless sisters.
From early on, he clung to Cage in a way that I don’t think Cage even realized. I saw the relief in his face when he got to come to our place for holidays or go on vacations with us. Just to be included.
Finn was a part of the family and he needed it more than most of us realized. Except me. I always realized it. I always looked at him differently, even back then. As much as I loved him like family, I never considered him the same I did Cage.
Possibly because I had always been a little in love with him. Just a little. Maybe it wasn’t that serious. Maybe it wasn’t the entire time, but it was always there.
The minute it changed for me was the day I realized he looked at me differently too. Not the way I would later want him to. That took a helluva lot longer. No, Finn saw me for me, though, more than anyone else. With such high standards set by my older siblings, who knew early on what they wanted out of life, I had a lot to live up to.
I was the one who had yet to find their niche. I was a nerd; in fact, today I not only had on a shirt that read ‘I Solemnly Swear That I’m Up To No Good.’ I also had on matching Harry Potter socks.
I could quote Star Wars, including the prequels, line by line and did often. Sitting in front of me was a laptop open to some astrology patterns that I was charting just for fun. For. Fun.
I read at least three books a week, even if they were filthy smut more often than the classics. A girl has to get her kicks somewhere. In my third year at Loyola, an English major, I felt like I was never going to figure out just what all of that added up to. Or who I wanted to be.
One thing that had drawn me to Finn was he didn’t care. Cage was always going to be like Pop. The girls knew their passions early and made them happen. Finn never made me feel like that mattered. He had always looked at me differently than everyone else. Like he never had a doubt I would figure it out.
Finn never thought much about the future. When Cage joined the department, so did he. When Cage got his first place, so did Finn. Not because he couldn’t do it without Cage, Finn was his own man. Finn just did it when it made sense to him. What felt right and good at the time. Much how we had happened.
“You know,” Finn had murmured into my skin that first night,” your brother will kill us both.” I knew he was right, but I didn’t care; especially since his tongue was at my pussy seconds later.
Finn was skilled and he showed lots and lots of women just how much before me. The first time I knew it bothered me was their senior prom. By then, I realized just how hot he was, and how badly I wanted him. I was young though, so I doubt I knew what wanting him meant.
Still, I had been pissed and jealous and that’s all I can remember about that night. Not Cage’s whore girlfriend, Krista, looking bored and impatient. Not hearing her ask Finn if both the Coopers wanted to share her that night. I just noticed Finn; how handsome he was and how his eyes never looked away from me. Like he knew I was bothered. Jealous.
Two years later at my own prom, I took someone who looked a helluva lot like Finn. Blonde hair, big hands that he didn’t know what to do with, and bright blue eyes. Still, he was no Finn. When my sisters and Cage teased as we smiled and took photos, Finn was there too. My eyes never left his.
We both knew what would happen when I left with that boy. Of course, we did. That’s what you did on prom night, right? It was rushed and not at all sexy, but I wanted it over with. Wanted to get the taboo out of the way so, maybe, Finn would realize I wasn’t an innocent little girl. Because, Jesus Christ, I wasn’t.
The nights I spent fantasizing about Finn, my hand between my legs and his name on my lips, were proof enough. The night I graduated I thought he realized I wanted him. That I was ready for him.
My parents had thrown a huge party, as was the usual fare for a Cooper celebration, and of course, he was there. With my future so uncertain, I escaped to the deck leading out onto the lake behind the house.
Before I knew it, Finn was there beside me. Touching me, gently, his hand at my back. I knew then. Knew it was more than just a crush. More than wanting something simply because we both knew it was forbidden. When his warm fingers pressed to my back, something burned in me that left me changed. By him. For him.
“Finn...” We talked and laughed as he soothed me, my legs swinging in the water.
“Gigi,” his voice was rough because he had bared himself to me, “Don’t.” I was never the same after that; neither was he.
Finn didn’t stop me because he wanted to. I saw it in his eyes and felt it in his touch. I was barely eighteen, and he was already fucking his way through the pubs. Finn stopped me because he thought we shouldn’t. Because of Cage. Because of my pop. Because I was who I was and he was who he was. Except, he wasn’t. Not really. Not to me.
It killed me to watch him bang anything with a pussy. Sometimes more than one at a time. I was smarter than he was and he knew it. Finn knew I saw just what he was doing. He was on a mission.
