Page 6 of Burn It Down
I wanted him, for longer than I should have. Finn, it turned out, wanted me too.
He also thought he would ruin me so he did everything he could to prove that to me. For years, he paraded women in front of me, proving he was a piece of shit. I still wanted him.
It made no fucking sense, but I wanted him more, in fact. Finn never knew love or trust. Not beyond our family. His family didn’t know the definition. After his brothers went to jail when he was still a teen, his sisters had turned their home into a brothel without the advantage of getting paid for it.
Finn was as foreign to trust and emotions that mattered as I was to the emptiness his life had been. Before. Before he met us and got a taste of what it could be like.
For a long time, I thought he was being selfish. I was sure he thought something happening between us could cost him the connection to our family. I resented him for not thinking I was worth it. Out of spite, I started rating his women.
In high school, I was proud of the nerd I was. Even prouder never quite fit in. Still, it stung to never get invited to the parties or get asked out. I would have said no to both, but I digress. Like the mean girl nerd I was, I rated the elite based on my favorite book heroines.
I used this same scale on first Finn, and then sadly Cage’s conquests. It was meant to irritate them. To make them see the error of their slutty ways, I suppose. Finn hated it and we both knew why; he knew the ratings were accurate and that each one killed me to deliver. Still I did it. Every single time I had to witness one of his whores’ walk of shame, I made sure to get my digs in.
Then it changed. I don’t know when or why, but I could feel it. They went from random looking, redheads with big tits or blondes with plump asses, to the same type. Night after night; dark hair, light eyes, and all of them tall and slender with my build. Finn was bringing home women that were a temporary reprieve. From me.
Finn wanted me too, but wouldn’t let himself have me. I was like my mother; I got what I wanted without even having to say I wanted it. You could call me spoiled, except I worked for what I wanted. I just did it subtly. Finn didn’t even know what I was doing until it was too late.
My rating turned into flirting with him in the hall between his and Cage’s apartment. Chats that had us leaning against the doorway, sometimes hours long. Finn wasn’t brave enough to let me inside his place. We both knew exactly what would happen. Those chats changed slowly too. Subtly.
I would move too close, touch him when we both knew I didn’t need to. Then I started texting. About nothing at all. About how lonely I was. About how hot I thought my professor was. That irritated him. Then one night after weeks of working for it without making it look like it, I’d had enough.
Like a Hail Mary, Finn brought home two women. I was done. I was across the hall and climbing him before I knew what I was doing. Finn growled something about waiting long enough and then his mouth was on mine and I was his. If I hadn’t been already.
“Gigi, I didn’t...I didn’t fuck them," He swore before he sunk inside me, “I haven’t fucked anyone in weeks. I just...let you think I do. You shouldn’t want this. I shouldn’t either. I do. I want you so fucking bad, Sweet Girl.” I believed him. I don’t know why I did, given those moans and the pounding I heard on the walls for weeks, but I did.
“I don’t remember when I didn’t want you, Finn. Have me. Fuck me, please.” Then like the trashy novels I loved so much, he did.
For hours. For fuckinghours,he claimed my body and I knew I would never be the same. I didn’t know my body could feel the things he made me feel. Also, didn’t know he could move that massive body of his the way he did that night. When he was between my legs, feasting on my pussy like he was starved for only me, I knew I would never get enough.
“Fuck you taste sweet, baby. Like cherries; I fucking love cherries now.” Finn had murmured every single time he buried his face between my legs.
We hid it because we thought we had to and soon it started to piss me off. Towards the end, I knew Finn started to feel guilty. What tore me up was I didn't know if the guilt was about his lies to Cage, or his lies to me. Because every night for two months, he lied to me.
Oh, I didn’t think he was fucking anyone else. Even though we were never foolish enough to talk about rules. Or promises. Or even a future. I knew that was too much for him to consider. Finn lied because wedidn'ttalk about that.
Finn let me hope for more. Even gave me a key to his place like we were official. We never said we were exclusive but it looked like we were. Felt like it too sometimes. By then Cage, was so invested in his relationship with Charli, we barely had to hide.
I adore her and was thankful Cage had found someone like her. Charli was a 10; a Lizzie Bennett. She also knew something was going on between Finn and I. Out book shopping one day, I caved. I had to tell someone.
“It’s...before you guys even started we started. I think if not for you distracting Cage,” I had been grateful for Charli coming into Cage’s life for selfish reasons too, “He would have caught on by now. I don’t know what it is because we don’t talk about that. We talk about everything but that. I’m afraid if I ask...”
I knew what would happen if I pushed; Finn would bail because he didn’t do serious. Finn fucked and fled and I would be no exception. Except he said different.
“I won’t get enough,” Finn moaned one night while I rode his cock, his mouth around my breast and hands digging into my ass, “Never. I’ll never get enough of how good your pussy feels, baby. Fuck you drive me fucking crazy, Sweet Girl. Look at me. Tell me it’s the same for you, baby.” Of course, it was, how he could doubt it I had no fucking clue.
Even the sweet dirty talk didn’t mean he was mine. That he was really, truly mine. I think I always knew someone like Finn couldn’t really belong to anyone. Certainly not the way I belonged to him. Had long before that first night and would even after.
I was crushed the night Cage found us, but not because we had been caught. Because Finn said all the wrong things when I needed to hear him say we mattered. When I needed to see him fight for us like I mattered. That he didn’t not only proved I didn’t matter like he told me for months I did, but it broke my fucking heart.
So now, I was mending my broken heart with lots of filthy books staring book boyfriends who never let me down. For a few hundred pages, they were mine, even if they were the book heroine’s too. They gave me everything I asked without me even having to ask.
That was more than I could say for Finn Cooper.
“Does it matter, Red? You want to live in the city, you hate the dorms, and I won’t be there. I think we can convince Pop to help cover rent.” Cage was trying to convince me of something I already wanted to do.
Charli was coming home soon, thank God. After Cage’s lies about a badge bunny from his past sent her running home, I was afraid she was gone for good. I knew Cage would never be the same if he lost Charli. Not only would it be hard for him, it would be hard for all of us. In a short time, Charli had grown close to all of us all.
Charli was the first person I opened up to about Finn. The first person to force Cage to look what was happening in the face. Exactly why his lies, and the fact that Finn had suggested he lie at all, had pissed me off. I still wasn’t right with it but at least she was coming home. Cage couldn't wait to start a new life with her.
