Page 110 of The Deception You Weave
"Luc doesn't want me, not really."
"He told you that?" Ella asks. "Because it certainly doesn't look that way every time he so much as glances at you."
"It's complicated but I know Luca almost better than I do myself and I know he's just trying to make something of what once might have been there a few years ago. He's got the pressure on him and he's trying to deflect to an easier time."
"He said that?" Ella asks again.
"No, he probably has no idea." I shake my head, my concern for my best friend getting stronger.
"But what if you're wrong?"
I consider her question for a few moments. "I'm not," I state confidently. "He just needs to figure it out."
"So he just left. Just like that?" Violet asks, looking confused.
"After threatening to kill him, yeah."
"That sounds more like it." She laughs.
"So, Kane? You two a thing now then?" Ella asks.
"Fuck knows what's going on. One minute he hates me and the next, well…" I share a look with Ella, silently adding in the middle part of that sentence about him finding out the truth.
"He's banging your fucking brains out and making you scream like a banshee?"
"Yeah. I don't know. He's probably woken up this morning, remembers that he hates me and regrets the whole thing," I mutter.
They both stare at me like I've suddenly grown a second head.
"Do you regret it?" Ella asks, her head tilting to the side like a puppy.
"I should," I answer honestly.
"But you don't?"
"Ugh," I moan, standing from the chair and starting to pace the room. "I know you think I'm crazy, that I shouldn't be anywhere near him after what he's done. I just—"
"Whoa," Ella says, standing in front of me and forcing me to stop. "I'm not thinking anything. You are the only one in the middle of the situation, you're the only one who knows everything. I told you before. I don't judge. I just want to make sure you make the right decision and don't end up hurt."
"But I'm going to though, aren't I? There is no happily ever after with a guy like Kane."
I think of the Hawks and all the widowed women still living in the Creek because becoming a member of that fucking gang is a death sentence. I think of Hallie yesterday and Kane telling me how she'd lost her husband in a gang war.
If something happens with Kane, if by some fucking miracle we figure out a way to overcome everything that's gone before, how the hell could I be with him knowing the kind of work he does, who he's involved with, and ultimately, that he's probably going to die.
"There's always a chance," Ella says softly, her inner romantic coming out.
"Maybe," I whisper, not wanting to get into my real concerns where Kane is concerned. I don't want them to know that I have any connection with the Hawks. The less they know the safer they are.
"Last night was fun," I say, laughing at the looks on their faces. "And maybe that's all it's meant to be. Us finally expelling all the tension that's built up over the years. Maybe it'll happen again and maybe it won't. Whatever. It's not like I actually have time for anything serious and he's got football. There are more important things right now.”
My chest aches as I say the words, but I school my features to ensure they can't see just how much suggesting that it won't happen again actually pains me.
"I should get ready. See if I can find something to wear that covers all this up."
"The jersey chasers are going to hate you," Violet says, looking smug.
"Even more reason to cover up," I mutter, heading inside my small closet to find something to wear.
