Page 149 of Come Apart
I hand her the mug and she holds it tightly.
"Ally, you're not inspiring confidence."
"Do you know what that means? What I expect that to mean?"
I swallow. It means I banish Samantha from my life. This is a choice, apparently, and I only get to pick one.
Either I abandon my needy friend or I lose my girlfriend.
It's a hell of a choice.
Alyssa means so much more to me than Samantha does. Under any normal circumstance, I'd choose Alyssa every time. Everything I have with her is magic.
And it's not as if Samantha has been a good friend. She can be manipulative and inconsiderate. Hell, she spent our entire romantic relationship lying to my face. Fucking my father behind my back.
She took up all the sadness when he died. Like it was hers. Like she had the right to it. Like I needed to be the one to comfort her.
I know all of this. I know she's been awful at times even though she was so important to me when I was a kid.
Her suicide attempts might just be cries for my attention.
But what if they're not?
Alyssa sighs. She shifts back in her seat, her attention on my cup of tea. "That's what I figured."
"No. It's not."
Her eyes find mine, but there's no hope in them. She's defeated. "So you're ready to end your friendship with her?"
"As soon as she's back on her feet."
Her eyes turn to the sky. "Does she know that?"
"She may have attempted suicide a few weeks ago, even though she denies it. I'm trying to ease her into this."
"I bet." She shakes her head. Shifts back into her seat.
It's a beautiful day, but right now it feels ugly.
Alyssa's voice is harsh. Impatient. "I'll take that as a no."
"Ally..." "You act like her boyfriend."
"That's not true."
She shakes her head. "You like being the person she needs. You're never going to stop. Not as long as you keep feeling needed."
I move towards her. I offer my hand but she ignores it. "Yes, in the past, I've appreciated feeling needed. But that isn't what is happening here."
"Right."
"It's not out of line that I'm worried about her."
Alyssa shifts out of her seat. She moves to the railing. Presses her hands against it. "So what if I step over this railing and say the only thing that will keep me from jumping is if you tell Samantha to get lost... would that do it?"
"It's not like that."
She turns to face me. Her eyes are on fire. Her voice is demanding. "It's exactly like that."
