Page 121 of Come Apart
"It's not about love."
She holds me closer. Tighter.
"Ally, let's talk about this."
"She's in love with you, Luke. You're playing her boyfriend and you're playing my therapist, and I can't do it anymore."
"I'm not."
She takes a deep breath, melting into me a little more. "You need to figure this out. Because I don't think I can be with you if you're always going to be running off to help her."
"She needs me."
"She manipulates you," she corrects. "She isn't your friend. Your friend would be polite to your girlfriend. Your friend wouldn't spend dinner trying to make your girlfriend jealous. And you think I didn't notice that bullshit with the chocolate cake?"
I sigh.
"Maybe."
"You might not realize this, since your private life isn't visible to anyone with an Internet connection—but she knew about my eating disorder. And she was obviously reveling in it."
Alyssa pushes me. It's soft. Agive me spacenot aget the fuck away.
She shakes her head. "I'm sorry, Luke, but I need you too. At least, I want to. But every time I start to get that feeling in my chest, every time I start to let myself need you, I have to stop myself. I don't know if you'll be around or if you'll be off with her. I don't even know if you'll keep your promises or if you'll be too busy conceding to what she wants." I take a deep breath, but it only makes the ground feel further away. It only makes this feel more impossible.
Alyssa is pulling away. I have to do something.
But I can't abandon Samantha. Ending our friendship could push her over the edge again. I move towards Alyssa again, wrap my arms around her again.
But there's a coldness to it. She's already made up her mind.
She's already somewhere else.
"Alyssa, please. I want to be with you."
"Until when? What if she tries to kill herself again? Will you be by her side again?"
"She's my friend."
"Yeah," she says. "She's your friend. And, if she gets her way, she'll be your girlfriend, so she can keep leaning on you forever."
"Ally..."
"I want to be with you too, Luke, but not like this. Not if you're always going to rush off to save her." She steps away, her back pressed against the glass. "I need some space. To think about this... to figure out if I can really handle it."
"I thought we were done with space."
"Me too."
She moves away from me, towards the couch, towards the other side of the room. She picks up her purse and hugs it to her chest.
"I want to help you through everything you're dealing with," I say. "You shouldn't have to do it alone."
She shakes her head. "I'm sorry, but I can't. Not if you keep trying to save her."
"Let's talk about this."
Alyssa shakes her head, hugging her purse tighter and tighter. "Are you still her friend?"
