Page 120 of Come Apart
Alyssa steals a sip of my tea. "Wow, that is awful."
"I told you."
"Why drink something you don't like? Why not hold out for what you really want?" Alyssa's eyes are on mine.
She's not asking the tea.
"I already have what I want," I say.
She blushes and turns her attention back to the window. So this dinner can't be all bad.
Samantha drops the subject of the cake. She eats the rest of it without offering more bites or complaining she has to eat it alone.
The rest of the dinner is polite. Talk about nothing. No argument when I insist on paying the bill. Samantha lingers a little long when she hugs me good-bye, but it's still well within the normal length of a hug from a friend.
It's nothing.
* * *
Alyssa beats me home.The lights are off. She's sitting on the couch cross-legged, her attention on the darkness engulfing the backyard.
"Ally..." I move towards her. Sit next to her on the couch. "What's wrong?"
She takes a deep breath and shakes her head. "I hate to sound like a cliché, but do you really have to ask?"
"Of course I—"
"I don't want to fight."
I try to take her hand but she pulls it away.
"What are you talking about?" I ask.
She moves off the couch. To the sliding door to the backyard—a big mass of glass blocking out the darkness.
"You can tell me anything," I say. "Even if it hurts."
But she shakes her head. She presses her palm against the glass of the door. "I'm not in the mood to have some stupid drawn-out conversation."
"Don't be so oblique."
Alyssa turns back to me. She looks beyond frustrated. "She's in love with you. Why can't you see it?"
"I..."
Have no idea what to say to that. Not that long ago, I would have said it was completely ridiculous.
Now...
Alyssa starts ticking off points when I don't have anything more to say.
"You visit her. You dote on her. You soak up all that need of hers. Why wouldn't she be in love with you?" She shakes her head. "You know what? I can't keep doing this."
I move towards her. She presses her back into the glass door. But when I wrap my arms around her, she melts. She squeezes me back.
I'm causing her this pain. I need to stop it.
I move my mouth over her ear. "I love you. Tell me what I can do to make this better and I'll do it."
