Page 110 of Come Apart
Chapter Twenty
It's late when we get home.
Alyssa rejects my offer to make her dinner, instead insisting on attempting sleep. I cook something anyway and leave her portion in the fridge.
I don't bother trying to sleep. It would be impossible. Instead, I flip through channels. Nothing on TV can pull me from my thoughts.
I have an email from Samantha. She's asking if I've spoken with Alyssa yet. There's no request for a rush but there's another attempt to guilt trip me.I need to get out of my parents’ house and back to my life as soon as possible if I ever want to get better.
I close the email without responding.
It's almost eight when Alyssa wakes. The sun is already in the sky and it's casting a soft glow over the house.
She plops next to me, wrapping her arms around me.
I inhale the sensation of her—the warmth of her body, the smell of her hair.
She leans closer, her mouth hovering over my ear. "I know I'm a fucked-up mess, but please don't leave."
"You're my mess."
She squeezes me tighter.
It would be nicer, holding her so much in one day, if the circumstances were different.
She shifts and brings her gaze to mine. "You're upset, aren't you?"
"Yes, but it has nothing to do with you."
"What is it then?"
"Let's talk about it later."
She stares at the sliding doors. "Is it important?"
"Yeah," I say. "But we're both tired, and it can wait until after you've had five lattes and I've had five cups of tea."
"What is it?" she asks. She looks at me sincerely. Like she's all the way back here.
"We can talk about it later."
Light streams through those sliding doors, bringing soft highlights to her face. "Why are you the only one who ever gets to have any secrets?"
"Ally, it's not like that."
"Okay. What is it like?"
She looks exhausted. She's got no reserves left. No fight left.
I can't unload this on her now.
"I'm too tired for this conversation," I try.
"That doesn't sound like you."
"I know, but it's something new I'm trying."
She looks me over. "You could tell me. Put me out of my misery."
