Page 146 of The Baby Bargain
But it is. He avoids addicting substances to the point of eschewing dessert, candy, sweetened coffee even.
It's not the most consistent position, sure, but it's still drastic.
He's that scared of following in his mother's footsteps.
He's that unable to trust himself.
That's…
Fuck, that's really a mess.
His voice is even, effortless. "What if I was one of those guys who was on some low-carb diet?"
"Ugh. Really?"
He chuckles. "No."
"I mean, do what works for you, but please don't tell me about your diet." My eyes meet his. "Are you really?"
"No. But I avoid anything that's bad for me."
"Always?"
"I try."
I guess I'm not that different. I've been a good girl my entire life (and not in the dirty way, though that is a very delicious way). I study hard, I put in hours at work, I cook healthy meals.
But when I want chocolate or cake or ice cream, I eat it.
When I'm tired, I watch trashy TV.
When I'm lazy, I skip my walks.
When I'm lonely—
Okay, I haven't checked on Phillip. But I did stalk Chase's ex. And, God, the shit that went through my mind.
Not healthy choices. At all.
"Isn't that exhausting?" I ask.
"I'm used to it."
My chest gets heavy. He carries around so much pain. Does he see it? He must. He calls himself a bitter asshole.
He's not bitter.
He's not an asshole.
He's just hurting.
I was the same after Mom died. Everything was hard and heavy and ugly. For years.
There was no dramatic change. No moment where the light flipped on. It got a little easier some days. Got worse other days. Then one day, it wasn't so heavy it weighed me down.
"I was like that after my mom," I say.
He wraps his arms around me. Brings his lips to my neck. "You've been through a lot."
