Page 187 of The First Time
"Sitting here, fixing soup. What about that is freaking out?" He looks at me. "You thought I'd freak out?"
I nod. "Don't you want to? A little?"
"A lot," he admits. "Did he hurt you?"
Yes, but not the way Ethan means. "He ended things."
Ethan's voice is demanding. "That's not an answer."
"He's been a gentleman." I take a bite of my soup. It's hot but it's good. Comforting. "I... He left because he didn't want to hurt me later. It's complicated."
"Did he say that?" Violet asks.
"No. He said he didn't want us to be together." It sounds clear out loud. It sounds like I'm neck deep in wishful thinking. "But I... I think he wants to be with me. Just... I don't know. His mom ODed. She's in the hospital. And he went to be with her. But no one is with him. No one is there to hold his hand."
"You're a sweet kid," Ethan says.
Mal nods.
"You're really not going to kill him?" I ask.
"If he was here and I saw that look on your face, yeah, but as it is." Ethan nods to Violet's hand on his arm. "I have too much motivation to stay out of jail." Ethan looks to me. "How long has this been going on?"
"We've been talking, intimately, since New Year's Eve. We slept together for the first time the night of that dinner in LA with Joel. That was the first time I..." My cheeks flush.
"Shit, really?" Surprise flares in Mal's eyes.
"You pushed her into his arms." Ethan shakes his head.
"It would have happened either way," I say.
Violet squeezes Ethan. "You're not going to have this attitude about sex with our kids."
"I'm not?" Ethan raises a brow.
"We're going to teach them that sex is a normal, healthy part of life. That it's fine to sleep with anyone, as long as it's consensual and safe," Violet says.
Ethan folds his arms. "Maybe."
"You guys need to decide on the number too?" Mal cocks a brow. "Maybe spitball some names."
"I think two." Ethan flips Mal off. "But I could be convinced to go with one or three."
Violet smiles. "Two is perfect. But Mal is right." She looks to me and mouthssorry.
"It's okay. You two give me hope that love is out there." I take another slurp of my noodles.
Violet and Ethan share a too cute for words look.
"Shit." Ethan shakes his head. "No wonder you two kept talking and sneaking off. Fuck, I can't believe I didn't pick up on it." He looks at me. "Fuck, he must have liked you a lot. I made it pretty clear anybody who touched you would never speak to me again. Forget about staying in the band."
"You're not kicking him out, are you?" My stomach twists. This seems like it's going well, like my brothers are acting sane and reasonable, but that can change.
Violet clears her throat.
"Last I checked, we vote on everything," Ethan says. "Not up to me."
I laugh. "Thanks, Ethan."
