Page 333 of The First Time
It's like he does love me.
Like the only thing he wants is my happiness.
He brushes my hair behind my ear. "That must have been hard."
"There was no time for it to be hard. My parents didn't save for shit. They were in debt. Their life insurance was enough to get me through high school. Then to cover what my job didn't. But it wasn't enough."
"Were you eighteen?"
"Yeah. Thank God. We don't have any other family. Lizzy would have been in foster care if I didn't become her legal guardian."
He brushes the hair from my eyes. "It's okay to want a comfortable life."
"That was the last time I was free, that morning at the cross-country meet. It's not about the money, Blake. It's about the sense that I could do anything. I haven't felt that for a long time."
He nods.
"I want Lizzy to have that."
"Of course." He runs his fingers along my chin, tilting it so we're eye to eye. "You are free, Kat. I need you for a few months, but when we're not together, you're free to do whatever you want."
"As long as I keep up the right image."
"Your image is perfect." He stares into my eyes. "You're better than I ever imagined."
"At lying to people."
"If I was looking to fall in love, it would be with you." His hand brushes my cheek.
If he was going to fall in love it would be with me. What bullshit. He's not going to fall in love, so it's not going to be with me.
It's not a compliment. It's not comforting. Not unless I can convince myself it's more than a lie.
"Don't say things you don't mean." I slide to the other side of the couch.
"I never do." He moves closer. "I want you to feel better."
"I'm not going to feel better."
"I disagree." He pulls me onto his lap. Wraps his arms around my waist. "I'll get your mind off this."
"You can't appease me with sex," I say. "Is that the only way you can deal with people's emotions—pay them off or fuck them?"
His eyes flare with something I can't place. No, I know that look.
I'm right and he hates it.
He releases his grip. It makes me cold. Empty.
"You're right. I don't know how to make someone happy," he says. "But I do want you to be happy."
"Then don't say things like that. Don't act like you might love me."
He nods. "What do you want with my money?"
"I already told you."
"You want it for your sister. But what about for you?"
