Page 304 of Breaking the Rules
Deep breath.
Steady exhale.
One word at a time.
"I guess what I told you was half true." My heart thuds against my chest.
Then Hunter wraps his arm around me.
And I feel a little steadier.
Steady enough to do this.
I think. "I did like Vinnie. And we did have this flirtation. I… I really wanted to impress him. Then one day, I was at his place, and we were drinking. Wine at first. Then cheap vodka."
"I know the type."
"Yeah." I thought I did too. But I was wrong. "We started making out. He was a little pushy but it was okay. Just sloppy. I thought maybe he was drunk. That it would be better another time." I can still remember that awful mix of vodka and amaretto. Thinkingoh fuck, he's a bad kisser. Is this over already? A bad kisser is always a bad fuck."I liked him. I wanted him to kiss me. But that was all I wanted."
He nods.
"Only he… he didn't stop." I suck a breath through my teeth. "At first, I thought maybe he wasn't getting the hint."
Hunter rubs my shoulder through the blanket.
"That he was kinda oblivious. But after the third time I moved his hand from my thigh, I pulled back. Said I wanted to take things slow."
His breath fills the room.
"He seemed apologetic. He said sure. We went back to making out. I got into this debate in my head. If I should leave. But he seemed like he was respecting me, and we were both kinda drunk, so I figured… I don't know. I've hooked up with guys before. I've never had an issue. It didn't occur to me that I would."
"You shouldn't have to."
"Yeah. Maybe. I… I think I knew, deep down. But I was scared to admit that possibility to myself. Because it was easier believing that he was drunk. That I had good judgment. That I could extricate myself from the situation at any point." I press my lips together. "It all happened so fast. We were kissing. Then he was holding me down, against the couch, and I was pushing him off. Then I was saying no. Asking him to stop. But he wasn't listening."
"Em…"
"It really fucking hurt. So I stopped fighting." My fingers go to my wrist. To the spot that was bruised for weeks. "I closed my eyes and I tried to leave my body."
"Did it work?"
"Not really." Even now, I can feel the pressure of Vinnie's hand. The strain of my muscles. The sense that my bones might snap.
He didn't seem that strong at a glance. But he was.
He had fifty pounds on me, easily. He could have snapped me in half.
Hunter could too.
But I don't know…
Even though I trust him not to…
My head keeps going there.
"It was like… I was getting bits and pieces of it. I'd block it out for a few seconds. Then I'd feel it again. My head banging into the couch. Or his hands on my wrists. Or the tug of rubber. It hurt. More than when I was new and inexperienced and I didn't know about foreplay and lube. It was… I don't know how to explain it. But it even felt violent."
"That must have been terrifying."
