Page 34 of Bottoms
Nik’s hand stretched out towards me as he inched closer. His steps were half the breadth of the last set. It looked like he was worried that I would bolt and he would have to subdue me. Funny how even they thought of me as a damsel in distress until my opinion differed from what they thought was right. Then I went right back to being held captive for my own good. If I was stuck being chained, I would prefer to do it somewhere I enjoyed.
I fucking hated the city.
“I know you’ve been through a lot,” Nik started, but it just made me laugh.
“Oh, you know what I’ve been through?” I snipped, taking another drag from my cigarette.
Nik’s eyes watched my lips, but his hand pulled back into the pocket of his suit jacket. He looked lost, unsure what to do or say to make this situation go the way he imagined. Guess Nik realized that only nightmares followed me.
“No, I don’t know what you’ve been through,” Nik sighed, hanging his head. He took a deep breath before raising his head slowly with a hard look. “But I have looked for you. Every. Single. Day. Since he took you. We all have. We even put up your fucking Christmas tree,” he paused to laugh. “Like that would somehow magically bring you back to us.”
He moved toward me, giving me a look born from the darkest parts of himself. Apparently, I attracted all kinds of twisted. His palms slammed into the desk on either side of me as he crowded into my space, but it only made me smile to see his bad cop routine on display for me once more.
I took another drag from my cigarette and smiled back at him before blowing the smoke. The cigarette was ripped from my grasp. A moment later, I watched Nik drop it into the vase. The cherry sizzled as it hit the water inside.
“And don’t smoke. It’s not good for you,” he bit out, but his eyes were soft. He was always the worst at hiding his true self. His hand came up to cup my cheek, and I leaned into his touch without meaning to. I watched as hope took hold of him.
“Don’t look at me like that, Nik,” I said, shaking off his touch. But he just put his hand on my shoulder instead. His thumb pressed against the thick strap of my dress, directly above the scar the bullet made. A bitter pain rushed through me, making me bristle against his touch.
“Don’t look at you how?” he asked, with a small smile that felt too familiar.
I could feel the cracks he was causing in my carefully crafted mental wall. Breaking me down from the inside. Leaving me open and vulnerable. Things I couldn’t afford in my life now that I depended on the rules of survival.
“Don’t look at me like you care. You can’t care about me unless you’re ready to give up everything to fit into my new world.” I posed it as a challenge. Trying to mentally fix my resolve before he had a chance to break any more of it.
“Then lead the way,” he said, taking a step back, gesturing for the door with his hands.
All it did was make me angry.
“The fact that you can so easily say you want the life I have to live proves you can’t even begin to understand what it’s like,” I huffed. Sliding off the desk and moving away from him quicker than he could grab for me. I could hear his footsteps following behind me, and I turned to face him.
He didn’t stop. I prepared another tongue lashing meant to dig at his deepest wounds, but I found myself retreating backward as he showed no signs of slowing. My back hit a wall, and there was nowhere else to go. His body pressed into mine as he pinned me to the wall.
I turned my head to the side, refusing to meet his gaze. I wasn’t sure my wall could withstand another strike.
“The only thing I know for certain in this whole fucked up thing called life,” he whispered into my ear, sending shivers down my spine. “Is that I can’t handle the thought of never seeing you again.”
“Guess you shouldn’t think about it then,” I whispered, closing my eyes rather than allowing any more tears to fall. Feeling another piece inside of me break rather than let his words tear down the last remaining shreds of my resolve. My gloved hand rested on his chest, and I watched his eyes set on the place I touched him. It still felt like a live wire when we touched, and my fingers curled, trying to lay claim to him. Nik’s hand came up to rest on top of mine, leaking his desperation through his touch.
“Whatever he threatened you with,” he said, forcing me to finally meet his baby blue hopeful eyes. The damn magnet between us forced my hand.
I felt the single swollen tear as it fell from my lashes. There were times when you needed to have an exhausting cry to fall into a dreamless slumber for half a day. This was not one of those times. Fynn might have made me strong enough to withstand an attack on my body, but I still couldn’t handle a siege on my heart.
“Whatever you’ve had to do while you’ve been there. It doesn’t matter. You can tell me everything, or you don’t ever have to tell me.”
Inside, it felt like everything was on fire as my brain shredded and burned my prepared responses. I was losing control. My heart hammered in my chest, and I fought to breathe.
“Breathe, Vanessa. It’s okay,” he said, pulling me in close.
My whole body trembled, and I struggled to remember how to focus on centering myself. I could feel my body curling in, desperately seeking a fetal position. Nik sunk with me, helping me to ease into a ball in his lap on the floor.
“Answer your fucking—Vanessa?” I heard Colten’s voice.
I couldn’t look up. I couldn’t face him and see how much I still cared about him. Nik held on to me tightly as I heard Colten’s approaching footsteps. My heart syncing pace.
“What…” Colten started, but it took him a minute to figure out what to say.
I had a feeling it could have something to do with my shaved head. I was sure that came as quite a shock.
