Page 59 of Tops
“No,” I groaned, moving to sit on the bed despite the pain.
“You need to rest, Nessa. Everything else can wait until you feel better.” He paused, not yet opening the door, but he didn’t turn to say it to my face either.
“I never saw his face,” I said as loudly as possible to his back. “The only person I see in my nightmares is you.”
It wasn’t enough to make him turn around and face me. He turned the handle and strode through the door without pause. Good. I hoped my words hurt him in some way. That way, he could feel what it was like to have someone burrow their way deep inside you, only to shred everything apart on the way out.
We’d never even had sex.
Exhausted, I laid my head back on the pillow, groaning at the waves of pain that shot through me after my careless flop. I turned to my side so I could watch the door. I must have fallen asleep at some point because my eyes shot open to dart around the room, looking for the threat that alerted me. The room was dark, but I stared at the slowly opening door. A high-pitched groan from the hinges sliced through the surrounding silence.
A figure stood shrouded in shadows. My heart jolted awake, attempting to pump my blood faster to prepare for another fight. But my body was exhausted. The figure flicked a switch on the wall, and a low light hummed to life above me. Nik stood in the doorway, looking ready to kill, but all of my fear evaporated when I saw him. I watched as his hand twitched in the direction of the gun still holstered to his side.
“Nik?” I rasped out, knowing it was him, hoping I could reach beneath his rage. He wasn’t at the party tonight and wasn’t to blame for any part.
My words seemed to reach that part inside him as he rushed into the room, kneeling on the floor beside the bed. His hand brushed a few strands of my hair out of my face.
“Doc says everything will return to normal in a few days.” His eyes darted around, surveying the damage. I didn’t even know how bad I looked yet. “I also had him write me a note, on the spot, to excuse you from class on Thursday.” Nik smiled warmly, and I leaned into his hand that still cupped the side of my face, welcoming the physical comfort and reassurances.
I couldn’t help but smile, finally feeling like I was safe. Nik was focused on me and no one else, allowing me to be the center of his world for a magical moment. I wanted to tell him how happy I was that he was here with me, but all I seemed to be able to manage was a renewed stream of hot tears.
“Shhh, you don’t have to cry, Vanessa,” he said, interrupting the path of my tears with the swipe of his finger. “You’re safe now.”
He held me in his arms while I let the hot tears stream down my face as his words triggered a new torrent of sadness. My breathing slowly evened out as my mind worked over a few things. I wasn’t crying because I had felt unsafe. Sure, a minute ago, I panicked, not knowing who the ominous figure in my doorway was. But I felt safe now that I was back in Bottoms. I felt safe here in Nik’s arms.
“He’s the one who insisted on being exclusive,” I bit out before the crushing weight of agony I had held back since the moment I saw Tanner inside the smoky room came pouring out. Broken sobs ripped from my chest, but I didn’t even have the energy to feel embarrassed.
When Nik silently got off the floor and left me alone, I knew what a pathetic mess I had been reduced to in a matter of days. I cursed the day I ever set my eyes on any of them, while it felt like my heart was bleeding out and soaking into the mattress.
My sobs slowly became tremors when I ran out of enough liquid to produce tears. Pain throbbed in my back, where I had landed on it during the struggle. I looked out through puffy eyes when the door to my room opened again. The squeaky hinge had become a friend, having my back to announce the arrival of my guests since no one else wanted to.
Nik walked through first; he glanced at me before looking away to a much more interesting spot on the wall. My knees curled up to my chest as I attempted to make myself as small as possible. Tanner walked in next, his expression unreadable until his eyes slid to my section of the room. His mask cracked while he stood in front of me, staring.
It wasn’t possible to shrink into a smaller ball than I was already in, but even when my bruised body screamed out in protest, it didn’t stop me from trying. Tanner dropped his gaze and moved to the side to allow Colten room to walk in.
Colten’s face looked as shattered and broken as my body felt. His gaze was fixed on the floor until the door was shut. I could feel his eyes examining me, and I watched as rage boiled beneath his skin. His hands closed into tight fists, and I worried he would cut his palms with his nails if he didn’t stop.
I extended my hand into the space between us, unsure what words he needed to hear. My anger with him dulled when he walked into the room, and I saw his pain. Before he could decide to touch my offered palm, Nik started the group meeting.
“How the FUCK,” Nik shouted, having absolutely no control over himself. “Did tonight go so badly?” He looked over to Colten and Tanner, demanding an explanation.
“She needs to rest,” Tanner started, gesturing my way, but I was not about to back him as I latched on to some of Nik’s anger. I had every fucking right to be angry.
“Pretty sure I side with Nik on this one,” I said, my arms and legs relaxing slightly into a more comfortable position.
“Of course,” Tanner growled.
“You don’t get to be jealous. You had not one, but two naked women on top of you,” I sneered, narrowing my eyes at him.
“I wasn’t touching them,” he said like that answer was good enough to give him a pass.
“That doesn’t cut it with me.” I wished that I could at least close a curtain in his face or rollover, but I was stuck watching his fingers rake through his hair.
“I own and operate an exotic club, Vanessa,” he said slowly and calmly. It almost sounded like some exhaustion was also leaking out into his tone. “They were auditioning, at the Senator’s request, no less. If I had refused, it would have caused too much attention.” He paused to run his fingers through his hair, to no avail. His eyes turned back to mine, and his posture straightened. “But you did not even wait for an explanation before defying every rule we have ever given you to help keep you safe.” Tanner’s gaze bore into me, and I refused the urge to curl back into a ball. “You ran away from your security team and us. I haven’t even answered for pushing those women off my lap. And all of that is without considering what kind of consequences they might face.”
His words seeped into the cracks of my walls, weakening my resolve while guilt started to replace my anger. My mind flipped through the faces of the other women at the party tonight, walking around like robots waiting to be told what trick to perform. I didn’t have a comeback while my brain requested more time to analyze my new set of thoughts on the situation. Honestly, I didn’t even feel up to unpacking them until I rested from my most recent emotional breakdown. My eyelids fluttered closed before I forced them back open.
Colten grasped Tanner’s shoulder before leaning in, whispering in his ear. My lids started to flutter again as exhaustion threatened to take over, but I fought to stay in the moment. The next time my eyes closed, they refused to open, no matter how hard I insisted.
