Page 60 of Tops
The next time I came to, my body felt like it had been hit by a truck, but my mind finally felt awake. Slowly I sat up on the bed, the headache was dull, but my fingers found a sizable lump on the back of my head. My hand trailed lower to feel for the bruised spots on my back, but the first thing I noticed was the broken, dangling pieces of metal. In place of a smooth arch across my back, they hung down with gravity’s pull from the sides of the dress.
I tried to twist and look at the damage, but that movement caused a sharp bite of pain, and I stopped immediately. The fabric of my skirt was pooled around me, covering me like a blanket. A burning need to get out of this dress washed over me, and I decided it was time to head back to my room. I wasn’t sure where the medical room was located, but all I needed was one familiar painting, and I would know which way I needed to go.
I swung my bare feet off the side of the bed and braced myself before attempting to stand. Collapsing in a pile on the floor wasn’t how I wanted to start my healing process. The ceramic floors were nice and warm, and I shifted my weight to be sure I could hold myself up. I was expecting to feel weak or lightheaded when I stood. Still, surprisingly other than the steady ache in my muscles, I felt relatively well.
Leaving the room, I chose a hall at random. Following my feet, as they made erratic decisions, the paintings on the walls slowly became more familiar. The promise of a shower hurried my pace as I went as quickly as possible without wincing in pain.
I rested against my bedroom door after I burst inside and locked myself behind it. My heart pounded in my chest, the familiar beat of an impending panic attack. Somehow, it felt like I had just escaped an invisible monster’s clutches by mere inches when I slid inside. My anxiety was on high alert and looking for monsters in every shadow. How long would it take this time for me to stop fearing shadowy faces in the dark? After my father died, it took me a while to feel safe, and I didn’t know if this time would be any better. At least I already knew the steps toward healing.
My fingers rushed to get me out of the dress, letting it fall into a discarded heap. Tilting my head up toward the ceiling, I screamed at the top of my lungs. I screamed until the last of my anger bled out, and all the nervous, anxious energy inside me finally settled back to its normal disgruntled bubbling. I was left hollow and empty, ready to start putting myself back together piece by piece.
I stood naked in my room, breathing heavily. Looking around, I found it comforting to come to see my belongings scattered around as a reminder that this was my space. Sitting on the bed was my backpack next to the bag from the dress store. Dirty underwear had lost its appeal, and I ignored them on the way to the bathroom for a long soak in the shower. Under the bright lights and the warm water, my muscles relaxed, allowing me to take stock of all the damage.
I had an angry red welt across my wrist where the thin strap of my clutch had hung. It looked like it had ripped from my arm sometime during the struggle. The bruises on my back were the worst, deep purple patches that colored my skin from the top of my butt to my shoulders. It looked like someone spilled a cup of purple watercolor paint and then left it to dry.
I noticed a dozen other scrapes and spots covering my arms and legs. When I washed my back, I noticed puncture wounds from the back of the dress, trying to heal inside the bruised skin. I had to wash delicately and slowly, coaxing my muscles to warm up.
I heard my dad’s voice inside my mind as a memory I had long forgotten was somehow triggered. He told me, “You have to move the quickest when you are the weakest.”
It had been years since I heard my dad’s voice so clearly in my memories. I grabbed on to his piece of advice, like if I hesitated, it would be gone, just like him. Determined to figure out how it applied. Flashes of darkness and fear were all I found when I tried to think back to the attack. I remembered everything that happened until I was thrown onto the table, but I had seen very little. At the moment, I was up against an attacker, and even though I used speed to my advantage, I lost.
As my own worst critic, I didn’t have any comments about the way I chose to fight back. It bothered me that even when I fought with everything I had, it wasn’t enough to overcome an attacker of that size.
I cleaned my body while my mind started to map out a plan to make sure this never happened again. My mental train zeroed in on the assignment while my body dressed me in comfortable clothes before deciding there was no shame in crawling into my bed for a nap. Maybe I needed a bit more time before I was back to normal.
Looking over to my bedside table, I noticed another folded-up piece of paper, this time with a necklace. It was in the shape of a butterfly, its wings spread wide on a delicate silver chain. I held it up to examine before letting it slip into my lap while I unfolded the note.
I saw you fighting for your life. I’m sorry I wasn’t quicker.
19
Tops Halloween
Healingwasfuckingboring.
Nik took care of my excuse to miss class. Not that he really needed one, considering he could just wave his magic finger and hand me my credits and my dream job. I had at least seen one of them each day this week while they rotated and oversaw making sure I was eating. Most of my injuries were well on their way to being little more than cosmetic reminders, and the doctor gave me the all-clear yesterday. He had commented how lucky I was that I didn’t have a concussion considering the state I was in when he first saw me.
Tanner had delivered food a few times, but as soon as I saw it was him at the door, I turned my back and curled up in the blankets. My feelings for Tanner were complicated, and part of me was upset about having any kind of feelings. I didn’t know where that left things between Tanner and me, and I had a feeling our decision would be made the next time we decided to speak to each other.
I wasn’t ready for that conversation yet. So, I hid.
Tanner always reacted the same, silently bringing a plate of food to my table. He would set it down, pause for thirty seconds, and then leave. Every time he did, the seconds seemed to tick by slower. The electric current would fill my room and beckon me to turn around and simply face him. While he stood silently waiting, I mentally tallied reasons why it wasn’t the right time to have our needed talk. So far, he had left before I have run out of reasons. Having an all-clear from the doctor took away most of them.
Colten had delivered my breakfasts, but I had never managed to find myself awake when he slipped in and out like a ghost. He had at least texted me each day to apologize for being busy with work and promising that his weekend would be entirely free. I hadn’t bothered to respond after that declaration. I needed to sort out a few things before I could fall back into the routine we had established. It was Saturday night, and I still didn’t know what to do.
Three loud, steady banging knocks announced Nik’s arrival before he opened my locked bedroom door. Honestly, I didn’t know why I even bothered with locking it. The knock told me who to expect, but I wasn’t prepared for Nik to walk in wearing a lab coat and a stethoscope hanging around his neck.
Oh, right. There was probably a Halloween party since it was the weekend.
“You really have a kink for occupational role-play, don’t you, Professor Cage?” I was already smiling the moment I recognized Nik’s knock. Our banter had not changed since the assault.
“You are,” Nik said, pausing to take a long look at me.
I was wearing a pair of soft and fuzzy pajamas, hot pink no less, curled up in my comforter. My hair was in a bun on top of my head, and I wasn’t sure when I had showered last. The bowl of snacks sitting on my pillow wasn’t helping, either.
“I am all good to go as far as the doctor is concerned,” I said, rather than hearing the various analogies to my appearance.
“Well, if I say so,” Nik responded with a flirtatious smile.
