Page 2 of Finding Solace
"I've got to run. I'll send Quinn over to your place later, and I'll have Nikolai email the contracts for your final approval this evening. Think about what I said." He informs me before walking out the door, closing it behindhim.
I'm not sure how to deal with feeling useless or feeling like I don't know where I fit in with my club anymore. I was born into the lifestyle. Hell, I knew as soon as I turned eighteen I was going to prospect with the MC. The fact that my old man was a founding member held no bearing. The club members treated me like any other prospect. It helped shape me into who I am today, and now I feel like an outsider looking in. What if I'm never able to ride again? All the 'what ifs' are weighing medown.
And what about my personal life? Not to say I don't get my needs met. But what if I never walk again? It was hard enough dealing with the fears of rejection or judgment after the loss of my right leg, and now I can't use eitherone.
There is a knock on the door, followed by Dr. Brown, my neurologist walking into the room, "Mr. Carter, you ready to leave us today?" Heasks.
"Yeah, Doc. I've been fuckin' ready. When are you letting me out ofhere?"
"The nurse is getting your discharge papers ready now," he looks down at his watch then looks back up, "So I would say you'll be good to go in about thirty minutes. You have someone to take youhome?"
"I do," I tellhim.
"First we need to go over a few things. You'll be starting physical therapy the day after tomorrow at our facility across the street, and you'll be going at least two to three times a week. You'll also follow up with me once a week. I'm not 100% convinced you are going to be able to handle things on your own. You may require professional help, so I sent your chart over to InCare Healthcare to get you set up with someone who can come out every day and get you to and from your appointments. Plus, help with other physical activities you are sure to need assistance with. At least until you get that cast off in four more weeks," he ramblesoff.
What the fuck gave him the impression he could go and make that decision for me? I take a couple of deep breaths calming my nerves, "I haven't decided on an in-home nurse," I scowl athim.
My phone ringing stops my rant from going any further. Reaching over I grab it from the tray table I had on the left side of the bed and swiped the screen to answer, "What," I bark into thephone.
"How's it going, brother?" Quinn's voicesays
"Glad you called, man. Where you at right now? Can you grab a ride and get my ass? They're letting me out of here in about twenty-fiveminutes.
"Prez ordered me to your place, so I was about to hop on my bike and ride overthere."
The doctor looks at me, annoyance spreading across his face as he looks at his watch again. Fuck him. I've sat here all morning waiting for his ass to get in here. A few minutes of him waiting ain't gonna killhim.
"Assuming you're leaving now from the garage you can grab my keys from Logan and go to my place and get my truck," I tellhim.
"You got it. See yasoon."
Disconnecting the call, I toss my phone onto the bed, ready to continue the chat the doctor was having with me. Not bothering to apologize for the interruption I cross my arms over my chest and look at him, waiting for him to continue. He shouldn't have taken the liberty of sending my file to InCare without my go ahead. I've made sure I'm more than prepared to go home. Not being able to walk doesn't make me aninvalid.
"Mr. Carter, I'm aware that you are reluctant to receive help, but believe me when I say you'll be grateful for it. Therapy alone will wear you out physically and mentally. You'll need someone around that's capable of taking care ofyou."
"I'll make that decision for myself," Iclip.
Sighing, he flips through the papers on his clipboard and hands them to me, "Here's a prescription for the muscle relaxers you've been taking and some mild pain medication as well. The second form is your appointment for later this week and the number to InCare. If you're not willing to accept the help, then give them a call and cancel everything. Get home and give it some thought beforehand. You might change your mind, Mr. Carter," He shakes my hand. "I'll see you in a week," he adds before leaving myroom.
It doesn't take long before Quinn comes walking in with a duffle bag in his hand, "Didn’t know what all you had here to put on, so I grabbed you some gym clothes out of yourcloset."
It looks like I'm not the only one in a foul mood. "Appreciate it, brother. What's eating you?" Iask.
He runs his hand through his shaggy blond hair and lets out a heavy sigh, "Ran into Dr. Evans on my way up here. That woman… All I'm trying to do is be nice, but she insists on trying to cut off my balls every time I speak to her. I don't get it. I'm a likable guy," he throws his handsup.
Yeah, Quinn's idea of being friendly doesn't stop at a hello, especially when it comes to women. "You ever stop to think she doesn’t like your endless flirting and pet names all the time. Maybe try and have an actual conversation with her instead of letting your dick control your mouth," Ilaugh.
Grabbing the bag, I pull out the clothes he brought. As I'm slipping on the shirt, heresponds.
"My mind goes blank when I see her, man. Flirting comes naturally to me. Normally itworks."
"Yeah, it works when the woman is looking for nothing but a good time. Emerson doesn't strike me as the type to just want to have fun," I tell him. I recognize it because I'm the same way. Driven. After I've gotten some socks on, I start the task of putting on my sweatpants with Quinn watching mestruggle.
"You need help, man?" he asksme
"No, I got it." It takes a few minutes to work them up to my thighs before I stop and look at Quinn who's still looking atme.
"Do you have to stare,brother?"
