Page 59 of Bound By Fate
Tears were now falling down my sister’s face. She was there with me, but the spark in her eye told me that she was angry too. She didn’t even try to stop me at this point. She must’ve known this was the only shot she had of getting this all out of me.
“I don’t get those things you keep wanting to talk to me about having. I don’t get the husband, kids, and a dog. I don’t get the happiness. My penance for dragging you to that pit is being alone for the rest of my life. Maybe find some kind of contentment, but that’s it. None of this other stuff you keep wanting so badly to speak about. So please, for the love of God, stop talking to me about Dryerson and being happy. I don’t get to have him, and every time you bring it up, it cuts me like a blade! It brings up the reason I can’t have him, and I can’t do it anymore!!” My voice raised to a yell, and I wasn’t even sure my words were understandable at this point.
“Katie…” Ensley started, and I shook my head.
“You should hate me. Want me out of your and Remy’s lives forever. Never want to leave me alone with her because who knows what I’d do. You should’ve left me back at home with our brothers and sisters. Then none of this would’ve happened. I’d be there for the men to be angry at, and none of this would’ve came to this club’s door. It’s all me. I was taken. I led you to be taken. Everyone here should despise me. Micah, well, he should be at the top of the list. Because of me he could’ve lost his happy ending.”
Full-on sobs racked my body as those last words came out, and I almost fell to the floor as my energy completely escaped me. But Ensley was there to catch me. We ended up going down to our knees as Ensley held me tightly in her arms, both of us sobbing. Both of us taking everything I said in.
I’d said everything I’d been holding in and trying to hide. I didn’t know how to feel about that.
Ensley kissed the top of my head as she swayed me like she did Remy when she was sad or scared. We ended up with me in her lap and her cradling me like a child. I was the older one. I was supposed to be the protector. But here again it was Ensley picking up that tab.
Mentally though, I was exhausted, and crying was the only thing I could do in that moment. All my strength came out in my words. I had absolutely nothing more that I could give. Drained. Spent. Just done.
“I’ll never hate you, Katie. Absolutely never.” That only made me cry harder which I didn’t think was possible.
“Ladies, we’re gonna pick ya up and take ya somewhere more private for this shit,” Micah said as Ensley and I pulled away. We both looked like hell had run us over and spit us out. Faces red and wet with mascara running down them almost like raccoons. Both emotionally rung out.
It was then I realized where we were. In the clubhouse. With everyone. EVERYONE. And as I peeked, around every single eye was on Ensley and me.
My most humiliating deed of my life was now out for everyone to know. Including Dryerson who came up behind me, picked me up, and cradled me in his arms. Sucking in his smell, I tried to tame the tears. He pressed my head into his neck and I didn’t protest because I wanted to disappear from all the prying eyes. I couldn’t add any other feelings on top of this mess I’d created.
His strong arms locked around me tight, protective. He was the only one I had ever felt safe with in my life. Here he was at my lowest, guarding me from the room.
“Up ya go.” I heard Micah and figured he had picked Ensley up off the floor too. She was as wrecked as I was.
Dryerson didn’t jostle me or talk, just held me in his arms. He was so strong, and me—I was weak. All the tears and snot running down my face proved that.
I didn’t know where we were going, but briefly I felt the sun on my skin only for it to be lost once more. He was taking us to our room.
A lock turned and a door opened, then we were inside our room. Dryerson sat down, my face still in his neck. Part of me didn’t want to let go because then I’d have to face everything I’d just blurted out. If I stayed here in his protective cocoon, I could hide from it all. Pretend I didn’t just tell my sister everything I’d held inside.
“As much as I love holdin’ ya, we have a lot of shit to unpack from what I just heard,” Dryerson told me, and I groaned, not wanting to talk. I was tired of talking. There was nothing more to say. I really wanted to sleep. In sleep, maybe I could forget it all.
Therefore, I shook my head, but he pulled his body back, so my face had to come out. His white shirt came into view, and it was covered in my war paint, tears, and snot as expected. Guess I’d left him with a souvenir for his kindness.
A small hand took mine, and I knew instantly it was Ensley. It was the hand that I’d held so many times before. Attached to someone I loved very much. “First we wash all the tears, snot, and makeup off our faces,” Ensley ordered, taking over, going straight to fix-it mode. Ever since she’d became a mom, she had that setting. Guess it was only something moms had.
She pulled me out of Dryerson’s arms even on my moan of protest, and we walked to the bathroom. My legs felt like jelly. This emotion stuff was for the birds. I could go my entire life not doing this again.
I avoided the mirror all together because I didn’t need that visual reminder. The mental one wasn’t going anywhere anytime soon, and I’d already had enough of those. We washed and scrubbed, the water turning a gray color.
We were in the pseudo apartment we had when we lived here for a bit. It was a huge space. It was bigger than my apartment, that was for sure.
After drying off with a towel, Ensley and I just stood in front of each other and stared. Not knowing what to say or how to say it, I said, “I’m so sorry,” and felt the tears roll down my cheeks once more. Does a body stop producing tears? Surely there wasn’t that much water available for their creation.
“Hey there.” Ensley wrapped me up in her arms once again and held me tight. “You have nothing to be sorry for, Katie. I’ve never blamed you for any of that.”
“But that’s the thing, you should hate me for it. What I did is inexcusable.”
“Come on.” Ensley grabbed my hand, led me out to the bed, and we sat down. I felt Dryerson, but I kept my focus on Ensley. I didn’t want to know what he thought of all of this. I was a bigger lost cause than I thought. “Love you guys, but out,” she ordered Micah and Dryerson. My sister was a tough chick, but I didn’t know if the two men would listen. Especially Dryerson. I didn’t think he would. He wasn’t that type of man. He’d want to be here with me. Another thing that caught me in the heart with him.
Both men walked to us. Micah leaned down and touched his lips to Ensley’s, and Dryerson bent to kiss my forehead. That was so sweet and made me shed another tear. They walked into the next room, not going far, but closed the door. At least we had some semblance of privacy.
Ensley grabbed both of my hands, her warmth reminding me of home. Home never was a place. No, it was Ensley.
“You feel guilty.” Ensley came right out and said it, and I nodded. “You’re right. I could’ve been pissed at you or hurt. I could’ve yelled and screamed at the top of my lungs, asking you why did you call me and put me in that situation. Why would you risk my life?”
