Page 36 of Bound by Wreckage
Her smile is sad. “Yeah, but at what cost? You in prisonfor the rest of your life? The club you love going down because of me? No, Nox. I have enough on my conscious as it is. I can’t do any more.”
I pull her close to me, wrapping my arms around her. Her arms follow, but her body is tense.
“He ever comes after you again, Carsyn, he’s dead.”
She actually chuckles. “Yeah. That’s a deal I can make.”
Carsyn pulls back and looksup at me with light shining in her eyes. A light that hadn’t been there days ago. “Since this is our last night together, I’d like you to do something for me. If you want.”
“You’re getting awfully demanding with your wants, woman.”
Her chuckle carries through the room. It’s a sound I love hearing from her, but then her face gets serious and she takes a step out of my arms and sitson the bed. Whatever this is, is weighing heavy on her. I take a seat on the other bed so we’re facing.
Carsyn fiddles with her hands not making eye contact with me, telling me she’s scared of what I’ll say. Fuck, I already said I wouldn’t go after Buck for now. There isn’t much more she could need. She’s set with a place to stay, money, and IDs to start a new life.
“Carsyn?”
Her words are quiet and soft. “I’ve never given myself freely to a man before.”
She’s never given herself freely to anyone.
Fuck, those words hurt. No, they don’t hurt, they bleed throughout me. She’s twenty-four and has never had a good experience with sex. And while I think I know where this is going, she can’t want me to fill that. Can she?
The shit my sister and Leahwent through was horrible, and I saw what it did to their men, unable to fix those feelings inside of them. And not being able to wipe those memories from their women so they didn’t feel the horror.
The shit may’ve happened to Austyn and Leah, but Ryker and Green felt it right along with them. All they could do was soothe their pain—exactly what I want to do for Carsyn.
“Okay…” Iencourage when she takes a bit to talk.
“You said that you don’t think of me as used or damaged.” A tear rolls down her cheek. I jump up and sit beside her and wrap my arm around her shoulders, pulling her to me.
“You’re not, Carsyn. Sooner you start believing that, the sooner you can move on from this life.”
“Will you?” she trails off, not finishing.
“Will I what?Be perfectly clear on what you want here, Carsyn. There needs to be absolutely no room for assumptions.”
Her eyes glitter as she looks over at me. “Will you be my first, Nox?”
My chest tightens, and everything inside me screams not to. Not because of her past, but because I’m leaving and whatever we share tonight will only be a memory. It kills me to leave her like that. To knowthat I’ll be gone. One-night stands have always been a norm for me because I never wanted to be serious with a woman. With Carsyn though, having sex with her and then just leaving feels like a knife to the heart.
“You sure you want that.”
“If you don’t want to…” She starts to pull away, but I pull her back; taking a risk I know I shouldn’t but can’t stop myself from.
“Neversaid that. I’m just making absolutely one hundred percent sure that this is what you want. I know you’ve had a shit go at things, and it’s completely understandable for you not to see sex the way others do.”
A small laugh escapes her, but it’s not humorous. “That’s for sure, but that’s why I want this. I want to know that sex isn’t a punishment. That it isn’t meant to hurt… but I get it,Nox. I shouldn’t have asked you to do that.”
“Fuck yes you should’ve.” My words even shock me at their furiousness because the thought of anyone else doing this for her sends red hot rage through me. “I’m more than willing to do this for you and with you, but I’ve gotta know that your head is in a good place. I don’t want to make you more unsure or hurt you in any way.”
“Why do youhave to be so sweet?”
Huh? That’s something I’ve never been called before.
She continues, “I want this. I want it to be you. I trust you fully and completely. You make me feel safe. If I don’t, I’ll never know if I can.”
That slices through me, hard and fast. The thought of another man putting his hands on her… no, just no.She’s not yours, Nox.
