Page 18 of Bound by Wreckage
Dreams.
I have so many for you. So many hopes and wishes surround you each and every minute you’re on this earth.
You can be and do anything in this world. Your light shines so bright that whoevercomes into your life will shine right along with you.
That light has been engrained in you since you were born and each year, it has grown brighter and brighter. I can’t wait to see what comes next for you. What ambitions you will have and things you will conquer.
Because you will.
Your strength is immeasurable. I just hope you put it to great use. Seriously though, whenI look at you, there is not one thing I would change about the person you are growing into. I love how brave you are and how you go at any challenge with full force.
Sometimes I lose my way with that, and I pull strength from you. You probably don’t know that, but it’s true. You are an inspiration to me every single day.
Stay true to yourself. Stay strong. Keep your head on straightand let your dreams soar. I know you will. You’re going places in this world, and I’ll be by you every step of the way.
Love,
Mom
The tears cascadedown my face as I’m unable to hold them back. She’s right. Everything inside this letter is right. Where have I gone all wrong? Hell, where have I gone?
A heavy knock comes to the door and I jump tossing everythingback in the box, closing it and sticking it back under Buck’s clothes.
“Let’s go!” Big Jim says as I grab my heels, dart to the bathroom, and pull myself together quickly. There’s red in my eyes. I find eye drops and put them in quickly as the pounding starts again. I have to go, or Buck will be pissed.
Sucking in a deep breath, I open the door just as I put my heels on. Big Jimlooks me up and down, lust all over his face. I try to ignore it. He grabs my arm and pulls me hard against his body. “Maybe I should see if Buck’ll let me go a round with ya.”
My stomach rolls, but all I do is nod. There’s no use in talking. I’ll end up saying something that I shouldn’t. In the quiet is where I’ll be safest.
Big Jim leads me down the hallway and to the basementstairs. My feet freeze causing me to stumble in my heels as fear catches me in its grip. The basement isn’t a place for me. The last time I was down there, I hurt for days and days. It was the time when I couldn’t move for weeks.
Big Jim pulls me hard and my feet walk, each step more fearful than the next. What does Buck have in store? What is this?
Reaching the bottom of the stairs,six guys stand center of the room smoking and drinking beer. Their focus comes to me as I enter. Buck walks up to me and kisses me hard on the lips then grabs my arm squeezing hard.
“Boys, this is my sister for your entertainment tonight.” Buck pushes me hard into one of the guys, and I fall into his arms. “Make sure you have rubbers. No one goes in raw, but me.”
No. This can’t behappening.
I try to fight out of his arms, but the crack of a hand against my cheek has me crying out in pain as the burn travels down my skin.
“You little slut. Just wait,” the guy grumbles in my ear. There’s a struggle, but he wins easily and pushes me down to the floor. Each of the guys grabs one of my limbs holding me in place. Buck hits me in the stomach hard knocking all theair out of me, and my body stills.
It’s at that point my mind turns off. It’s done this for years. I’m awake and can feel everything. Every touch. Every pain. Every twist. I have to disengage. Otherwise... Well, otherwise, it will eat me alive. They get off on my agony. The less I react the faster it will end.
In my mind I’m not there. Instead, there’s a field with tall grass andflowers spread throughout. The sun is shining, warming me from the coldness. The birds chirp. The wind rustles.
Pain shoots up my leg, and I cry out trying to keep myself in the field and not in the present. It’s difficult. I hold on to the wind. I hold on to the place where no one can reach me. I hold on to the green of the grass. There is no pain here, in my mind, that is.
Burningbetween my legs has my hips shifting to get away from it, and something hard comes down on them preventing it. Sweat drips down on to my body from above.
Fists attack me.
Hands touch me.
Bodies lay on top of me.
Things are pressed inside of me.
