Page 56 of Needing to Fall
“A whore. You’re nothing but a whore!”
It was the same last line each time that woke me from sleep. I had been doing so much better, being able to sleep for pretty long periods of time. Even when I had woken, I hadn’t needed to check the locks or get Andi. I had been able to handle everything on my own. But this … This was something I didn’t know how to take.
Drew thought I was a whore for giving myself to Lynx, and the guilt from that ate at me. If I had been thinking rationally, I would have known it was a dream, and Drew was happy with his family, but I wasn’t rational, and I didn’t want to move from the bed. It was weird. I felt like I was mourning something yet having a hard time figuring out what it was.
I did nothing except lay there with the blankets over my head, letting my mind go to places I had thought I had overcome. I let it go back to the place where I had seen Drew and his family, how I had felt. I let all of it overcome me.
***
“Reign?” Andi called from the side of the bed as it depressed from her.
I didn’t want to talk, and I hadn’t looked at the clock to know how long I had been lying there, but I had to pee quite badly, so I figured it had been a while.
“Yeah,” I answered quietly.
“What’s wrong?”
I didn’t have the answer. The darkness had taken over, and my thoughts were all over the place, so I shrugged.
“You’re scaring me, Reign.”
The pang in my chest hit hard. I tried to pull myself up, tried to be able to answer her in a way she would understand, but I knew nothing I said would make it okay for her. She wouldn’t get it.
“Leave me be,” I moaned, pulling the covers more tightly against me and letting the warmth fill my coldness.
“Tell me what the hell is going on!” Andi yelled, causing me to jump, but I still didn’t tell her. No one got it.
Then it hit me.
“Lynx,” I murmured.
Andi stilled. “What?”
“Call him please.” I said no more, just burrowed into the covers.
I felt her leave the bed then the room. I didn’t know if she would do as I had asked. I only let the darkness take me in.
***
The covers were pulled from my body, the coldness jolting me. I must have just dozed off, but I didn’t remember falling asleep.
A warm body hit my back as the covers came back over me. I froze and sucked in deeply when a strong hand came to my belly. Then the smell of Lynx invaded me, and my entire body relaxed as I let his warmth invade me.
We lay like that for long moments before he spoke.
“Babe, what’s going on?”
He would get it. I knew he would understand if I told him.
“Drew came to me in my dreams. He called me a whore for being with you.”
His grip on me tightened.
“He said I shouldn’t be giving myself to you, that…” I stumbled a bit. “That I shouldn’t give you my orgasms.” I shook my head from side to side. “He hates me.” My words were grumbled into my blankets. I wasn’t even sure if he heard them all, because he said nothing, just started rubbing circles on my hand with his thumb.
I continued, “I had to check the locks, Lynx. I hadn’t done it since I first got out of the hospital.”
“Where are you now?” he asked softly.
