Page 38 of Needing to Fall
“Are you okay?” His voice was laced with concern, which only added to my confusion.
In truth, I had only been kissed by one man who meant something to me. I had never gone any further than that unless it was out of necessity. In a lot of ways, I was so new to any of this, especially the whirlwind of feelings that kept piling on top of the other.
I wasn’t okay, not really. The scariest part of everything was that I thought Iwantedto kiss him. I, Reign, wanted to kisshim. My hands began to tremble at the realization.
To most looking in, it wouldn’t be a bad thing at all. He was a very good-looking man any woman would want, but I couldn’t. I was too messed up, too broken, too used.
I felt myself sinking as I stared down at my hands gripping the top of the chair. It wasn’t helping me stay grounded anymore. This flip-flop of emotions was wearing on me. I went from determined to excited to lustful to sadness. It was all too much. I had been taking the pills the doctor had prescribed, but they didn’t seem to be doing any of their voodoo magic on this situation, or maybe they were and my reaction would be worse.
“Reign.” My name being said from only feet away snapped me to attention, but I didn’t have time to think. Lynx pulled me into his body, wrapping his arms tightly around me.
I froze, unable to move, my arms stiff at my sides. Then he began rubbing his hand up and down my back, and it felt good.
“You’re okay. I’ve got you,” he whispered in my ear.
Something inside my head clicked. For the first time, I felt those words to my soul.I’ve got you.He had said each of those words with such authority and conviction that I had no choice except to believe him. Each muscle in my body began to lose its tension.
Without thinking about it, I wrapped my arms around his torso. It was such a mundane thing for most people to do, but for me, it was big. It was a huge step I didn’t think I would ever cross with a man. It was one leap I was scared shitless to take, but I needed it. I needed him. I missed him, and the fact that he had come back for me told me that I mattered to him.
This moment was enormous on so many levels, and the darkness around me didn’t bog me down. If anything, the tides slowed as I melted into him.
I turned my head so my cheek rested on his rock hard chest as tears filled my eyes, silently spilling over my cheeks.
I didn’t let go. I couldn’t let go.
His touch was so reassuring. The light grazes of his fingertips up and down my spine and his other hand snaking up to lay against my neck were like he knew exactly what this moment meant for me and was helping me through it as best as he could. He didn’t use words; it was his mere presence that caused my body to fully relax into him, something I had never done with anyone. I still didn’t understand that, but I was going with it. After all, the moment was what mattered.
Although his shirt became soaked with my tears, I couldn’t stop them. It was like they were cleansing me, freeing me in some way. We simply stood there for a long time while he let me get out what I needed to and absorbed everything I gave him. Selfishly, I let him. I needed it. I needed that safe place to let myself go.
Andi had been that person for so long, but realizing how much I relied on her had been an eye opener. I didn’t want to shift from needing Andi to needing Lynx. I was aware of it, yet at the moment, I couldn’t stop myself.
His strong hands came to my shoulders, and I gasped as he pushed me back so he could look at my tear-stained cheeks. They hadn’t stopped flowing, and I was sure I looked a mess.
As his hands left my shoulders and came to cup my cheeks, my heart stopped along with my breathing. The touch was so gentle, so personal, so intimate, leaving me feeling so bare—bared to him, bared to myself—but I didn’t pull away.
He swiped the tears with his thumbs as he said softly, “Babe, you get these tears because I get that you need them, but you’ve got this. You’ve got me.”
More tears flowed. What he had said was so sweet it cracked my heart. He was doing something to me. It wasn’t bad. No, it felt damn good and terrified me at the same time. I wanted whatever this was, but I was petrified of it at the same time.
The door to the apartment flew open, and quick as a flash, Lynx had me behind him. His arm was snaked around my back, pressing me to him, and my hands came up to his back, bracing for impact.
“Reign, I’m…” Andi’s words were cut off as I peered my head around Lynx’s broad shoulders. “What’s going on?” Her words were hesitant at she set her purse down on the chair, her eyes glued to Lynx.
I patted Lynx on the shoulder to tell him it was okay, but he didn’t move his arm from me, holding me. The strange thing was I didn’t feel trapped. No, I felt comforted.
“Andi, it’s okay. This is Lynx.”
Her eyes slowly came back to me, her brows drawn in a tight bundle. “Lynx?”
Had I not told her about Lynx? No, surely I had.
“I told you about him. I met him in the hospital.”
Her face grew tight. “No, you did not, and you definitely didn’t tell me that you two were this close.” She waved her pointer finger up and down the length of Lynx’s body, all attitude.
“I thought for sure I did.” I hadn’t? That didn’t seem right. I thought for sure, during those conversations about my time there, I had told her about him. Hadn’t I?
She jutted out her hip, placing her hand on it.Oh, no. Here comes bitchy Andi.I didn’t get it much, but when she roared, watch out.
