Page 66 of Needing to Fall
I swiped my face that was a blubbering mess. In all the years I had thought about him, I had never once talked to Drew. It hurt too much. Actually, truth be told, I had never believed he could hear me in the first place. Why I felt compelled to do it at that moment, I would never know, but something about it was cathartic. Even with the bombs going off the day before, my shoulders didn’t feel as heavy, like the weight had finally released the grip it had on me for so many years.
Did I dare say that I felt a little peace with myself? I had craved that for so long yet never thought it was remotely possible. However, talking to him and getting out my feelings had done that. It was as if the bottle that held everything in so damn snuggly had its top blown off, and I was able to release what was inside.
I didn’t think I would ever get over Drew’s death, but the weight of it wasn’t as heavy.
“Babe?” Lynx’s deep voice came from behind me.
I wiped my face one more time before getting off the swing and turning to him.
“You okay?”
I didn’t answer. Instead, I went to him and wrapped myself around him, his arms coming around me securely. I let loose, crying until I didn’t think anything was left. Lynx simply rubbed my back and kissed me on the top of my head several times, remaining quiet, just being there for me. I loved how he knew exactly what I needed.
I pulled away and looked up into his concerned yet saddened eyes, stood on my tiptoes, and gave him a peck on the lips.
“I’m okay.” I really meant those words. “Yesterday was hard, and I want answers.” Oh, I so did. I was going to find Trey and demand why he had told me all that shit—why he couldn’t just tell me that Drew was gone, and why he had to make up all that bullshit. I had a fire of determination brewing on that one. “I was talking to Drew.”
Lynx’s arm went a little stiff then relaxed. I didn’t have a clue how all this guy-girl stuff worked, but I went with what Lynx and I had: the truth.
“I never talked to him before, and I surprised myself with how good it made me feel.” I looked deeply into Lynx’s eyes. “I’ll never forget him, Lynx. He’s a part of me.” I needed him to understand that. I didn’t think a guy would like to share their girl with anyone, but a part of me would always be with Drew.
“And that’s perfectly fine, babe. You wouldn’t be you if you did.”
I smiled at that. It was sweet. Lynx was always sweet to me, but at times like this when he got me, it was all the nicer.
“I love you for you.”
A tear I thought I had used up slid down my cheek. “Thank you,” I whispered and nestled my head into his chest, breathing in his scent.
“I found some things out. I think we should go inside so I can show you.”
My gut tangled with my heart. Lynx had told me the night before that he was pulling every string he could to get all the information about Drew, Devin, and Trey. I wasn’t ready to hear any more the night before, but right then, I was. I wanted answers, craved them. I needed to know why.
I nodded as he led me through the yard and into the house, taking us directly to the couch where we sat next to each other. On the small coffee table was a manila folder, and my anxiety began to pick up. While I wanted the answers, I was afraid of them.
He grabbed my hand, holding it gently. “You okay with this?” he calmly asked.
I wanted to screamno,but that was the fear talking. I wouldn’t let being afraid of what I would find hinder me anymore. I could handle this. Iwouldhandle this.
“Yes.” The confidence in my voice was surprising to me, and by Lynx’s smile, he felt the same way. It was so nice to have a rock, someone to have my back while I picked up the pieces of my life.
He released me and opened the folder, exposing a picture of twin babies. They had matching, little baseball outfits on; except, one had a white hat, while the other had a blue.
“Cubs fans?” I questioned with a little smile.
“Guess so.” He pointed to the boy on the right. “That’s Drew Angles.”
My heart skipped a beat. He was such an adorable, little baby with chubby, little cheeks and those same eyes.
Lynx then pointed to the boy on the left. “This is Devin Angles.”
He was the spitting image of Drew, down to the way their noses were shaped. It was quite uncanny.
Lynx then started pulling out pieces of paper as he spoke. “Drew and Devin’s parents were killed in a motorcycle accident when they were seven months old.”
My heart broke for those little boys.
“From the report, they hadn’t been out by themselves for a long time and were just out for a ride when they were hit by a drunk driver.”
