Page 63 of Needing to Fall
“You’re not Drew Lewis who was in the foster care system?” I prodded, not letting the pain of the situation show in the tremor of my voice.
“Hon, I’m not sure who you are, but no, I wasn’t in foster care. I’m sorry, though. I’m not who you are looking for.”
I stared into his eyes, seeing my Drew. This was him. It had to be. How did he not know who he was? This was too much, way too much. The crescendo of emotions threatened to pull me under, yet I fought to at least keep my head above water.
“Look, ma’am. I’m sorry, but you need to leave.”
In one last-ditch effort, I blurted, “I’m Reign, from the Peterson’s house.”
His entire forehead scrunched as if he were trying to remember, and I believed he would.
“We lived in the same house together, went to school together. You were my best friend,” I blurted out, hoping that something, anything would rattle his memory.
“I never lived with any Peterson’s, and I’m sure I would remember you from school, Reign. I’m sorry.”
I felt wetness prick behind my eyes as the confusion became all-consuming, and I replayed everything Trey had told me in my head. He didn’t have any reason to lie to me. Why would he? Why would he do that? Why would he want to hurt me?
I bit back the tears. I would not cry. I would not. I was stronger than this.
“I’m sorry to have bothered you.” I needed to get out of there and figure out what was going on.
I turned, needing escape.
“Reign.”
I stopped. I knew that voice, knew in that moment the man behind me was Drew.
I turned only my head, willing the tears not to fall.
“I’m really sorry.”
I nodded then ran to Andi’s car. I threw it in drive and allowed my tears to fall as I headed home.
He didn’t remember. He didn’t rememberme.Us.How was that possible?
I couldn’t get air into my lungs. They felt utterly constricted as the weight of what had happened came crashing down on me. I wasn’t even a memory to him, while I had thought about him for years.I was nothing.
I felt the change in my body like I had become more attuned to my emotions. I felt myself begin to swirl down the path that landed me in the hospital.
I tried breathing, but an hour into the drive back, I still had no answers.
When my cell rang, the display saidLynx Calling, but I didn’t answer it. I let it go to voicemail. I wasn’t together enough, so I dug deeper.
***
I pulled up to the old track that Lynx had brought me to several times. He had called four times, and I still hadn’t answered. I needed time. I needed to process. I needed to figure out my head.
I grabbed a pair of tennis shoes from the back, laced them up, and ran. I ran and ran and ran. When I didn’t think I could run anymore, I pushed myself to keep going. The blackness had threatened me in the car, so I knew I needed to do something. With each step I took on the tarred track, I tried to figure out what was going on.
I hadn’t realized that not having Drew know who I was would hurt this badly, would make the spear to my heart twist and turn. I let tears fall and the anger pulse as the burn invaded me, and I pounded it into the pavement below. The surface was hard and unrelenting, just like the emotions threatening to take over and drown me.
I breathed in deeply, desperate to hold on to the small sliver of light I had found over the last few months. I reached for the love I felt from Andi, Lynx, and even Nurse Hatchet, drawing on their strength as I ran. I held on to them with everything I had. I wasn’t going to let this take me back to that place of torment. No.
Not until I was completely worn out did I slow to a walk. My legs burned and my breaths were hard to take in. I moved to the car, knowing I needed to get back. I had taken the night off, but Lynx would be sending out a search party for me soon if I didn’t return his call.
I sat in the driver’s seat and grabbed my phone. Twenty-seven missed calls, ones from both Lynx and Andi. I hit the button for Lynx.
“Where are you?” he said in a panic when he picked up on the first ring.
