Page 62 of Needing to Fall
My nerves spiked. “Lynx is working on that.”
He pressed, “What about Drew?”
Preparing myself to talk about Drew hadn’t gone as planned. I still ached from the words he had told me in my dream. Regardless, I had already made up my mind that I was going to see him because I needed to. I needed to shut that door on my life so I could be open to the possibilities of my future.
“I’m going to see him.” I told the doctor about my plan to do it on my own, even telling him about the dream and my fears that he would hate me.
He rubbed the bottom of his chin. “You really have come a long way, Reign.”
I felt good about that, too.
***
As I stared at the house, the drowning feeling didn’t come like last time. Nothing had changed except for the bushes getting trimmed along with the grass. I hadn’t told Lynx I was coming here. I had wanted to as we lay in bed together that morning and he asked me what my plans were for the day. Consequently, I felt as if I were deceiving him when I really wasn’t. I just needed to do this for me.
I knew Lynx would have wanted to come with me, but I also knew, if I asked him not to, he wouldn’t. As a result, I didn’t understand myself not wanting to tell him. I guessed it was to prove to myself that I could do it on my own, that I was strong enough to handle whatever was thrown at me without anyone’s help.
I borrowed Andi’s car, sitting in the same exact spot as last time, feeling a sense of déjà vu hit me as my gut wanted to start twisting. I fought it, though. Ineededto talk to Drew. I needed to shut this part of my life down and move on. I didn’t know how I would do that, but I needed to figure it out.
I was nervous; don’t get me wrong. The uncertainty of the situation warranted it, but it was something that needed to be done. It shouldn’t be too hard, considering he had a family now. I just needed to know one question.
Why didn’t he come and find me? That was the one thing plaguing me. I felt like that one little question was what was holding me back from truly finding myself.
Drumming up the courage I must have had buried deep inside of me, I exited the car and walked up to the front door. Fear, uncertainty, and nerves cracked me everywhere. I was really going to see the boy—well, the man—whom I had thought was dead. I also felt a slight bit of excitement about it, even though the nerves were masking that part until it was almost nonexistent.
Sucking in deeply, I knocked on the front door. Each second that passed, the nerves electrified my system to the point my palms were sweating and my heart felt as if it were going to jump out of my chest and run down the street in a sprint.
The handle to the door slowly turned, and my breaths picked up.
How was he going to react to seeing me? Would he be happy or pissed like in my dream? Would his woman and child be here?
How did I not think of all these things until this moment? I should have run through every scenario so I could prepare myself. Shit.
The door creaked open, and there he was: Drew with sandy blond hair and the same eyes I had thought were gone from me forever. He was so much taller now, reminding me of Lynx. My heart squeezed at the thought of him and him not knowing I was there.
“Can I help you?” he asked in a gruff voice.
My words clogged my throat. He didn’t recognize me. I had thought maybe he might. I hadn’t changed that much, just filled out a little more. For the most part, I was the same. He had to remember me.
“Drew?” I questioned, needing him to confirm it.
My heart thundered as his brows knit together, almost in confusion.
I rocked back on my heels. The seconds seemed to tick like endless hours.
“No Drew here,” he said and tried to shut the door, dismissing me.
I panicked, holding the now closing door open with the palm of my hand, frantic that he was going to shut me out.
“Andrew Lewis?” I asked again.
He shook his head as my stomach twisted in the most painful knot I had ever felt.
“Sorry, ma’am. I’m Devin James. I don’t know anyone by the name Andrew Lewis.”
My heart fell to the floor, shattering into a million, broken pieces of glass. This couldn’t be. It just couldn’t.
My face felt chilled as all the blood drained from it, the panic and anxiety crashing into me like wolves fighting for dominance.
