Page 61 of Needing to Fall
She burst out laughing. “Youthinkyou’re good?”
I smiled back at her widening eyes, but she masked it quickly.
“Yes. I have really good days, and I’ve had some bad days, but I’m still here, so I think I’m learning how to cope with the bad.”
“You have no idea how proud I am of you.”
My breath lodged in my throat as my heart tightened as if strings were wrapped around it so strongly it would burst. She was proud … of me. Maybe she knew what those words meant to me, or maybe she didn’t, but I was holding on to them for dear life. It felt so damn good to have someone feel that way about me, especially since I felt it, too. I felt the pride in making the choices I had since getting out. Her reiterating it only gave me more confidence that I was doing something right.
“Thank you,” I said softly.
“You need to get to your appointment.” She pointed to the white door I had walked in so many other times, but this time, I was a different person. I wasn’t the same. I was still me, just different.
Nurse Hatchet knocked on the door for me before it opened, revealing Wrestler McMann standing there with his bald self.
“Reign, I’m so glad you came. Please come in.”
I smiled one last time at my nurse then entered the space.
It seemed so much bigger than I remembered, despite it being the same pictures on the walls, same chairs, and couch. There was no chair next to his desk where Lynx would sit, but that was okay. I didn’t feel that overwhelming panic I had when he hadn’t been there before. I knew he had my back, but I also had two legs that I held myself up on.
He pointed to the chair I had sat in before, and I sat while he walked around the desk, sitting in his seat.
“Tell me how you’ve been,” he opened with a huge smile on his face.
I felt the apprehension creep up, but I pushed it down. “Good. Learning.”
“Wonderful. What have you learned?”
I breathed out. “That I’m not the scared child I was before. I have choices. Before, I didn’t see it that way. I thought I was drowning in a world that I didn’t want to be part of. I didn’t see my choices. I thought my life was all laid out, and I just existed.”
“And now?” he prompted.
“Oh, now …?” I stopped, thinking about what to say. “There’s fun out there, and I’d like to explore it.”
“Have you been taking your medicine every day?”
“Yes.” I had, like clockwork. I had even set an alarm on my phone to remind me.
“I can tell by your words that you’ve seen a difference?” It wasn’t a statement; it was more of a question.
“I don’t really know if it’s the medicine or that I’m getting out there and trying new things. But Lynx told me that even though I’m feeling good, I need to keep taking it.”
He leaned back in his chair. “Ah, Lynx. I was wondering if you were going to mention him.”
A blush crept up my cheeks, but I didn’t say anything.
“He came and found you,” he surmised, and I nodded. “Talk to me, Reign.”
“He’s Lynx,” was all I responded with because that was enough for me.
“All right, I’ll let that one go for the moment. Did you find your mother?”
Anger bubbled in my veins at the mention of mymother.She didn’t deserve the title.
“Yes. She’s a bitch.” I explained how she had treated me and what she had said. I tried to not let the knife dig inside of me, but it was there. I then concluded with, “It’s on her, not me. It was her choice to cheat on her husband. I just suffered the consequences.”
“I see. What about your biological father?”
