Page 37 of Needing to Fall
I didn’t know what I would find or even if I would see my mother, but I needed something to keep me safe. I needed to feel some type of control. After all, knowledge was power, and she held the key.
I tossed the bag over my shoulder just as a loud banging noise came from the door. I jolted, looking to see if the locks were in place. They were. I breathed out on that one before slowly inching toward the door and looking through the peephole.
Everything stopped. For one moment in time, I felt time stand still. Lynx was outside the door. He was there. He had come … for me.Holy Shit!An unusual feeling came across me, although I feared trying to label it as joy or excitement. I hadn’t felt either of those since my time with Drew, and that was the only time I had felt them. They were back.Hewas back.
My hands began to shake as the realization set in that Lynx wasn’t like the others. He didn’t leave me behind to be forgotten forever. No, he had kept his word and come for me. It stabbed me that I had doubted him, but with my record, it wasn’t good odds. He did, though. He had defied those odds and shot right through them.
My fingers continued to tremble as I unlocked the locks. I stared at the door handle for a beat, trying to gain my composure before opening it to him. A knock on the other side had me jumping and gasping. I flew into action, turning the handle and opening the door.
He wore jeans that looked faded beyond their years, black boots, and a black T-shirt. He looked utterly different than when he had worn the hospital scrubs, and I hesitated to say, undoubtedly attractive. He was taller than I remembered; I had to tip my head back to meet his. His face looked softer than before, though there was still an edge to it. His hair was cut to his scalp, but his eyes … His eyes called to me, sucking me in and making me breathless.
“Reign.” He said my name in a low groan that sent shivers down my spine.
I had missed that sound. I was in such shock that he was actually standing before me that words lodged in my throat. All I could do was smile—yes, genuinely smile—at all that was Lynx.
I watched in avid fascination as his face contorted from his brows drawing together then relaxing, and then a grin tipped up his lip.
My smile faded when I realized what I was doing: flirting … with Lynx. I shook my head, trying to clear the fog out of my head. I couldn’t flirt. I didn’t flirt … ever. Even when attractive men had come into the bar, I never had. Why him? Why this man?
“Babe, I liked it better when you were smilin’. What took it off your face?”
I couldn’t tell him that, for a brief moment, I had forgotten about all my problems and that everything in my world had focused on him. I didn’t think of Drew or Andi, my life or job, nothing but him for that small blip of time. Him being this close to me covered me with a shroud of comfort that I had never had in my life. For the first time, I wanted to run into his arms and feel them wrap around me, surrounding me within his safety. No, I wouldn’t tell him any of that.
I cleared my throat, giving my mind a second to come up with something to say. “I just wasn’t expecting you,” I said stupidly. I didn’t say I was good at covering it up. If anything, I should have just kept my mouth shut instead of answering.
“I told you I’d come.” His arrogance did not go unnoticed by me, but I would give him this one, only so I didn’t have to tell him my real reasons.
I lifted my shoulder in a noncommittal shrug.
“You thought I wasn’t coming,” he said confidently.
I schooled my features, hoping like hell I didn’t give the relief or happiness away, but I was pretty sure I did. How else would he have been able to call me on it?
“It doesn’t matter.”
He moved fast, stepping into my space, and I panicked, the anxiety hitting me hard. I went to take a step back, but his hand came out, landing on my hip. My blood began thundering through my veins rapidly. It took everything I had not to move away from his touch, but something in his eyes was telling me I needed to stay exactly where I was.
“First, I’d never hurt you, Reign.” Even though I believed him, I was unnerved, so I just nodded my head. “Second, no lies. What you and I have together cannot have lies between us. Not small ones like ‘I’m not tired’ or ones like you telling me it doesn’t matter. It fucking matters.”
It did, more than I could ever express. Not to mention, it scared the ever loving shit out of me that it mattered so much, and there wasn’t merely one reason. There were so many I was losing count. His showing up on the doorstep gave me a small bit of that H-word I knew I shouldn’t have, but for the first time, I wanted to cling to it.
He was right, though. What we had wasn’t built on lies. Sure, it had started in a hospital therapy room, but there were no secrets or lies. I had told him everything, and he had done the same. That couldn’t change. Even more, I didn’t want it to change. I wanted to trust him and have him trust me.
It was strange that I felt such a connection to this man, to want to have these things with another human being. For the longest time, I hadn’t thought I deserved them. Now, I still wasn’t sure I deserved them, but it felt good, and I couldn’t back away from any of it.
I sucked in deeply, knowing the words I needed to speak. I didn’t know if he realized how damn hard it was for me to admit, how letting him in was a huge step for me, one I really wanted. “It matters that you came. Thank you.”
His face changed at my whispered words right before my eyes, the anger or frustration draining from him as the tension in his shoulders began to relax a little.
“Let’s go in,” he said, taking two wide steps inside, and since I was so close, I took them, as well, until he kicked the door shut with his boot.
I became hyper-aware of every single movement he made, from the way his arm swayed as he moved to the small tick in his neck. And as our eyes connected, I could see the fire blazing in his. I could only assume that for me to admit it mattered meant something to him, something big. It scared the ever-loving shit out me, but not in a fear for my life way; in a whole new way that was odd yet compelling.
We were close, not nose to nose, but closer than I had let any man get to me in a very long time. Nerves started sparking throughout my body, especially my heart, from the look he was giving me. He wanted to kiss me. I could see it as plain as day, but that couldn’t happen. I had locked that part of me up years ago, and as much as I felt the zing of it through my bones, I couldn’t reopen that. I wasn’t ready.
I pulled out of his grasp, stepping back and breaking the connection. I needed air to breathe, and I was pretty sure there wasn’t enough in the apartment for me.
Moving to the other side of the kitchen table, I put a huge amount of space between us and grasped the back of one of the chairs, needing something to steady me.
