Page 17 of Needing to Fall
The thought sickened me, but it wasn’t like I hadn’t seen or been dealt with my own kind of hell.
I sat up and felt the blood pump in my veins for the first moment in a really long time. I let the warmth flow through my body, waking me up from a really long sleep.
I fired back, “How about watching a woman get gang raped by four guys who used broken bottles on every hole in her body then beat her within an inch of her life before leaving her for dead? Or how about the little twelve-year-old boy who was selling dope and came up short to his supplier? I watched him get a bullet to the brain. Or what about the guy who didn’t pay the trick he was using? The pimp strung him up by his dick and balls to a tree, fucked him in the ass with a broomstick, beat him with the stick, and then left him there. Don’t know if he lived or died.” I shrugged. “So don’t try to be big, macho, I’ve-been-through-hell man to me. That shit doesn’t work. I’ve seen things that would makeyouwince.” The entire time I stared at him, not flinching once, only seeing the slight tick in his jaw that gave any indication that he was listening to me. He stayed silent through it all.
“Seems we didn’t even touch the surface during our discussions, Reign,” the doc said. He wasn’t wrong. He didn’t need to knoweverythingI had seen or done on the streets. That shit was buried. At least, I had thought it was until stupid military man had to open his big, fat mouth.
“Were you that woman?” Lynx asked.
My brows pulled together in confusion. He thought I was talking about me?
I answered flatly, “No.”
I did open the door to this, so I had to suck some of it up and go with it.
His eyes bore into me like he was trying to read if I was telling the truth or lying. I really didn’t give a damn if he believed me or not.
I turned back to the doc. “Can I leave now?” I wanted the safety of my small room. It wasn’t much, but it was better than being here.
“We have thirty more minutes, Reign,” he so kindly reminded me.
Even though I felt anger at that, it was good to feel something other than sad and alone. It might not have been the best emotion, but it was something.
“I don’t want to talk to him anymore.”
“Himis right fucking here. You can address me.”
I glared as he spoke. It was so damn strange that one minute, I feared him, yet now I just wanted to brush him off like a tick.
“Whatever,” I bit off, crossed my arms over my chest, and looked up at the ceiling, not that whatever was up there would help me. My hell just kept getting better and better.
“Lynx,” the doc prompted.
“Fucking hell.” He sighed and rubbed his hands over his bald head. “I get out of here soon, anyway.”
I perked up at this new information. I needed that: to get out so I could be done with all of this. I couldn’t go through another dog and pony show like this again.
“Army out of high school. Did damn well. Went to war, saw fucked up shit, and now I’m home.”
Well, at least he wasn’t in the sharing mood, either, since I really didn’t give a shit.
“There’s a lot more to it than that, Lynx,” the doc chastised.
He shrugged. “That’s the fucking gist of it. Not really much more.”
Wrestler McMann pressed, “What about now? Why are you here?”
Why did I suddenly want and feel the need to know? Why did I care? I wished my head would stop with all the ups and downs; it was making everything ten times worse.
“Because I’ve been on edge since I became a civilian again. Loud noises, cars backfiring, fucking fireworks—all of it fucks with my head and puts me back into fighting mode. Got into a lot of fights and been arrested a couple of times. Came home the other night to my girl in bed with another guy. I beat the shit out of him, got my gun out, and shot a few rounds just to scare the fucker. I never got the diagnosis of PTSD off me, so that’s what they say I have again, and I was put in here for seven days. I’m on day four, so I’m out soon.”
Well, that sucked for him, but he seemed to be handling everything just fine. He probably had a mom and dad to go home to. Sure, he had gotten the shit end with the chick, but he would find someone else. I still didn’t see how this could help me. If anything, it just drove the wedge between me and the rest of the world deeper.
Doc’s eyes didn’t leave Lynx. “You want to tell her anything else?”
“I didn’t want to tell her anything in the first place. Why the fuck I wanna tell her more?”
“Fair enough. Reign,” Dr. McMann called out.
