Page 84 of Aftersome
My chest throbbed from the pain of what felt like deception on my part.
She’s not yours.
The sooner you accept it, the better.
“I’m sorry,” she said in a muffled tone that had me straightening. Using the sleeve of her shirt, she wiped the spot beneath her eyes until she stole a glance over at me. “I don’t know why I keep lashing out at you but I know you don’t deserve it. At least, not today you don’t, and I’m sorry for that.”
I swallowed down the rock in my throat and picked up the hairbrush that I had set down beside me. I had no idea how to respond to that, nor could I process my emotions that came along with her apology.
It was a strange feeling, but it had without a doubt broken apart the shift in the air that surrounded us.
“Come here, Doe.”
Once again, I patted the empty spot between my legs.
“I wasn’t done with your hair yet.”
Instead of hesitating like she had before, she crawled to me with zero fear in her eyes or any delay. It only took her a few seconds to get settled and I was back to combing her long hair again.
Gathering her hair in one hand, I carefully pulled it all back until every pink strand was cascading down her spine like a waterfall. I’d never seen anything so spellbinding in my life. Even the texture of her hair was unlike anything I’d ever felt before. It made me want to sink my fingers through every little strand and keep my hand there forever.
As I went to comb through the bottom of her hair, I heard a tiny whimper escape from her mouth. It scared me enough to stop.
“It hurts, Mal.”
Immediately dropping the brush, I frowned.
“Shit, I’m sorry.”
“No, not that.” She half chuckled, half cried. “My heart hurts. I try my best to not let it get to me like it used to, but even after all this time, it still feels like yesterday when I lost him.”
Fuck.
I felt like I had been bludgeoned with a sledgehammer to the heart.
“Eleven years later and I still can’t get over him.” She sobbed in front of me and I felt powerless. I didn’t have the words that could soothe her. I didn’t have the right arms that could hold her. “But I always end up telling myself that I need to cry. Because tears meant remembrance and I’m so afraid that if I stop, his presence will just fade away.”
She turned her head to look at me, and her eyes were like a sucker punch to the gut. The raw intensity of them and their desperation for an answer from me. She was pleading for relief from this pain and I wished I could give her the answer.
I wished so fucking badly that I could…
So, instead, I slowly reached for her. Hesitant about where to grab her and whether she’d be okay with it or not, I took the chance and placed my palm along her hip. She instantly went frozen from my touch, but I didn’t let up. With the slight tug of my hand on her waist, I wanted her closer. Leaning against me so I could hold her through her tears.
“Let me hold you tonight,” I whispered the words I never thought I would ever say to her again. Once it was out in the open, though, I felt like I could breathe again. Especially when she scooted herself back until her hips were snug between the apex of my thighs.
A rush of air had fallen past my lips from the feel of her body pressed up against mine. She wasn’t even fully against me yet and it already had my heart racing.
Her back was as stiff as a board and an unsure vibe filled the air around us as she sat even closer to me. I knew she wasn’t going to be the first one to make a move, so once again, I found the courage to pull her toward me.
“Now lie back,” I encouraged, taking the hand on her hip and placing it on a spot close to her neck where I gently yanked her back to my front. A soft gasp escaped from her the second she connected with my chest.
She was the perfect fit and then using my hand again, I navigated her head to the spot just below my collarbone and neck where she nestled into me.
I realized at that moment, I never wanted to move from this spot ever.
I couldn’t remember the last time I had felt so comfortable and so at peace that if I closed my eyes, I knew I’d have the best sleep of my life. Even Wren had immediately snuggled into me as if we’d been doing this our whole lives.
I eventually removed my hand from her neck and wrapped both arms around her in a loose embrace. I wanted to pull her in closer, afraid that at any moment she would try to escape or come to realize that we shouldn’t be doing this.
