Page 158 of Aftersome
“Mal…” I stared heavy into the outlines of his back, hoping he’d finally turn around.
“I can’t do this, Wren. I need… I need time to process it all.”
Time?
“I need time away from you, as much as it fucking kills me to say.”
My chest sank.
“No, Mal…”
“I’m not Hayes, Wren, and I’ll never be him. Even if you do love me, and I can feel that you do, your heart, your trust, it will always be with him and him only.”
I felt as though I couldn’t breathe again.
Every ache, every pain could be felt and it only intensified the longer he refused to look at me—acknowledge me. Then finally as if he knew his words would cause me to break, he spun around.
His large frame immediately sagged when he noticed my current state. Then with a few stomps toward me, he had finally closed the distance between us until his large hands had cradled each side of my face in a gentleness I’d grown to adore.
My heart hammered wildly from his touch. Then leaning down, he planted his mouth onto my forehead in an urgent kiss that unsettled me more than his anger did.
This wasn’t just a kiss.
This was a goodbye kiss and within seconds, I was reaching for his arm to cling onto.
“You’ll always be his, Doe. Never mine. But God fucking knows I’ll always be yours,” he spoke against my forehead before laying one last kiss and pulling away.
The hold I had on his arm had gone dead the second his words had hit my ears, and on a broken sob, I watched as the man who had brought me back to life disappeared out of the room and out of my life.
54
WREN
Leaving the hospital, I thought I would have felt some sort of relief. Instead, all I wanted to do was crawl back into the bed where I could shut the world out and not have to deal with the consequences of my actions.
Pathetic, right?
I no longer felt like the woman who had grown so much over the years, and in her place, was someone who I was terrified of becoming.
Someone who was no longer worthy.
To be so careless with the people I adored. To be so reckless and foolish, I thought if by pretending I was a normal woman, I would become one. Lying to Mal, lying to Greg and Shelia… lying to myself, I had no one else to blame but me.
And here I was.
My heart withered and broken, my ego bruised, and my soul severed into irredeemable pieces. I was experiencing the intensity of grief all over again, but this time, I knew there was no recovering from it.
Not after all my deception and lies.
I knew then, it was time to leave. Even after everything, I knew I didn’t belong in Seattle anymore, and to respect his wishes of giving him space, I had told Jim that I appreciated everything, but I wouldn’t be coming back to work for the Orchids.
After a lengthy phone call, he ultimately understood my decision and told me that I could come back anytime. Saying goodbye to Trevor and the rest of the team sucked, but telling Kate that I was leaving was the absolute worst. After an hour of sharing tears and her trying to convince me to stay, she reluctantly agreed with my decision and had James go get my things from Mal’s house.
As much as I wanted to see him one last time, I couldn’t. In order to make things right, I had to leave.
I had to face my mistakes, even if it hurt the ones I loved most.
Saying goodbye to Kate, I had told her I’d be back again soon. Within months she’d be having James Jr. and I knew I couldn’t miss the birth of her little baby boy. So, here I was now, on my way back home with one destination in mind and already my nerves had heightened.
