Page 148 of Aftersome
But I knew I needed to.
“I’m scared to admit why,” I confessed on a hushed whisper that had Mal’s face crumbling. He looked like all he wanted to do was smother me in love until my tears had finally subsided.
Pressing a firm kiss to the crown of my head, he tilted my head with the grip he had on my chin.
“You can tell me anything, Doe. Whatever it is, I don’t care. I just want these tears to stop, okay?”
My god, he was making it worse with his sweet, kind words and his body that warmed me completely. I needed to find the strength to trust him with my pain. To trust him with the uncomfortable, wounding things that would forever be a part of me.
Despite the terrible timing of it, I was ready to open up to him.
“It’s… It’s you holding me like this,” I began to say as his arm around my middle tightened. “That brought back a memory of Hayes and me.”
The words tore through my throat as they came out and instantly, I shifted my head out of Mal’s grip.
Too afraid to look at him.
“The first date we shared, he held me like this.”
A rush of air from behind me had grazed the side of my face and already, I could sense a change in the air. I couldn’t pinpoint exactly what it was, tension, sympathy, anger, but it was thick.
“I know I shouldn’t be bringing up Hayes like this. It’s not fair to you, or what we have, but I couldn’t bear the thought of not being honest with you.”
I could feel his chest expand as silence filled the air.
I hated it, but I couldn’t deny his feelings just like I couldn’t with mine.
“Mal, I’m…” I went to say, but he had silenced me with a tug on my hair, causing my head to tip back and meet his eyes.
“Don’t,” he demanded. “Don’t apologize for that. I don’t expect you to pretend like the two of you never existed.”
His stare was fierce and unwavering.
“I acknowledge the love you two shared with one another and I know that a fraction of your heart will always belong to him. I can accept that, Doe. Even if it means I won’t have the entirety of your love like you will mine.”
Tears began to leak from the corners of my eyes and with a quick swipe of his fingers, he brushed them away.
“Mal…” I cried, but he quieted me with a finger over my mouth.
“I’m not finished, Doe. Just, please… Let me get this out before I lose all the strength to,” he pleaded through a pained expression that nearly killed me to see. “I can’t lie to you and say that I’m not jealous. That a really selfish fucking part of me wishes that you were just mine, and mine alone, but I know that will never be the case. Hayes was your first love, but I want to be your last. Even if I have to share it with him.”
Twisting around in his arms, I needed him closer. Straddling myself over his large thighs, I wrapped my arms around his neck until we were finally at eye level.
So many tears had formed in my eyes that his face was now a giant blur.
I didn’t know what I did to deserve such a kind-hearted, understanding man whose only objective was to adore me.
To make me happy.
To give my heart and soul a safe home.
It didn’t make sense, but I refused to question it.
“Baby…” Mal used the pad of his thumbs to clear my eyes of all the tears. “I hate seeing you cry.”
“I know.” I whimpered. “I can’t help it, though. You’re so different from the man I thought you would be, Mal. So different.”
A smile lifted across his mouth.
