Page 57 of Losing Sleep
“That’s part of why I wanted to talk to you, away from the group. I wanted to do for you what others tried to do for me. Be careful around Grey. He’s fun and flirty, makes you feel special and seen, but he won’t commit. Though watching him with you is the most interest I’ve ever seen him show in someone.” I felt hope at the offhanded compliment, but Kylie kept talking.
“He can’t even commit to a job for longer than a year. Why on earth did I think I could get him to commit to a single woman for longer than a weekend?” She gave a self-deprecating laugh.
“What do you mean he can’t commit to a job? He said he worked construction.” I forced the words out, picking apart Kylie’s revelation and trying to find some flaw in her logic, something that would prove her wrong. Instead, I replayed the pieces of conversation I’d overheard from his phone call back at the cabin.
“He does, right now. When I met Grey last year, he was a substitute teacher. Before that, I think he worked retail or something. He kind of just bounces around. He even lived out of state for a bit but came back after a family emergency. If his brother hadn’t beat him to it, I think he would have moved as far from Utah as possible after his dad passed away. The only thing keeping him there is his mom, and that tie will only keep him there for so long. I think his brother’s trying to convince him to take a job in Oregon, bring his mom with him.”
I shook my head. Kylie’s claims didn’t make sense. They didn’t align with the man I’d met, the bearded, flannel-wearing man with a big heart who liked to flirt and tease, but who also stood by his mom in times of crisis and made me feel safe enough to show my most vulnerable places. And yet, did I really know Grey well enough after less than a week to say with certainty Kylie was wrong? How did I know Grey wouldn’t drop everything for the next adventure, especially if he could bring his mom?
His text conversation with his brother from our drive up came to mind. He’d said it was a message about his brother struggling to provide help for their mom from states away. That would change if they moved closer. Maybe a fresh start would do all of them some good. Not to mention he’d have help handling his mom’s anxiety.
“It’s sad, really. He’s such a good guy. Too bad he’s too busy getting lost in adventure to recognize what he’s missing out on in the dating sphere,” Kylie said, her tone nonchalant, her face pinched into an expression of genuine sadness. “And Audrey, I genuinely mean that. You’re great, and I don’t want Grey hurting you because he’s too busy chasing the next shiny thing.”
Even spoken in kindness, Kylie’s words hit their mark, and my heart shattered. I had just started to hope, allowing myself to imagine a life after Lyle. A life with a genuinely nice guy who would value and cherish me. Who would choose me, again and again. But if what Kylie had said was true, my future dreams of a happily ever after were just as far out of reach as they had been before Grey had shown up on my doorstep with a grin and an apology.
After giving me time to process her words, Kylie changed the topic, rambling on about work or some other mundane thing, but I stopped listening. I followed her on autopilot, my feet moving but my mind still digesting Kylie’s revelations and what they would mean for me. Nothing had changed, not really. Grey hadn’t promised me anything. It was my fault for reading so much into his smiles and touches. Too bad that didn’t make this moment hurt any less.
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Kylie and I werethe last ones to make it back to the cars. She brightly greeted everyone before climbing into Brad’s car for the drive back to West Yellowstone. I remained silent, following Grey, Trent, and Tory to Tory’s car. Tension rolled off Tory and Trent in waves, though I pretended not to notice as their whispers filled the air with a harsh undercutting tone. I’d have to ask Tory about it later, when we were back at the cabin away from prying eyes and listening ears and men with beards and flannel who were deceptively good at making a girl underestimate them.
I’d told him about Lyle and my mom’s accident. I’d let him see a side of me that I kept hidden, having previously only allowed Tory and my roommates to get that close. Yet, I couldn’t really blame him. He’d made no promises. It wasn’t his fault I’d read him wrong, trusting him when I should have been running awayas fast as I could. Because if there was one thing I knew for sure, it was that I couldn’t handle another heartbreak, not now, possibly not ever. And falling in love with a man getting ready to leave Utah for Oregon was guaranteed to destroy me.
The car ride to West Yellowstone was nearly silent, Trent and Tory stewing in the front seat and Grey seeming to pick up on my mood in the backseat.
At one point, Tory slammed on the brakes, pulling me from my thoughts, and I flinched when I looked through the windshield to see a bison inches away from the car, staring us down. Grey, who must have been watching the road more carefully than I had, had thrown an arm in front of me, as if trying to protect me from the threat outside the car. If only I’d been as cautious with the threat inside the car.
“Are you okay?” Grey asked, concern creasing his brow and filling his tone.
My heart pounded, proof that it still functioned even if it was breaking.
“I’m fine,” I stuttered, a cold sweat breaking over my skin at the realization of how close we’d come to repeating my mom’s accident. Except a bison would have been much worse than a deer.
“Sorry, guys. He stepped into the road without warning. Everyone okay?” Tory asked from the front seat.
“We’re fine,” I said, taking a deep, steadying breath. It had been a close call, but we were fine. Nothing had happened.
Grey watched me carefully for a moment longer before withdrawing his arm. I missed the contact immediately, a ridiculous reaction that I needed to rein in. I needed to forget my attraction to Grey. He would leave me behind, just like every other girl he’d flirted with and then left for the next job.
The bison moved out of our way, and Tory was able to continue driving, taking it slow as we passed the bison thathad nearly made contact with our car. Once we were out of the park and away from the risk of another bison stepping into the road, my heartbeat slowed to a normal rhythm, the fear finally dissipating.
We parked on the street in West Yellowstone near one of the many stores packed with memorabilia geared towards tourists who visited the area. The storefronts displayed a variety of goods ranging from the average to the unique. One t-shirt in particular, black with a red flannel sasquatch silhouette, caught my eye. My lips ticked up in a smile that quickly slipped off my face at the thoughts of Grey it triggered.
Kylie’s words rang through my mind as we walked, our group separating as we each explored the stores that captured our interests. I wandered the shops, shadowing members of our group but not participating in their discussions as I navigated the emotional landslide that was currently filling my mind. If my mom’s failed relationships before Dave had taught me anything, it was that I did not have time nor space in my heart for a man uncertain about commitment. I needed safe and stable. Two things Grey was not, if Kylie’s words and my own observations were anything to believe.
In one store, I paused in front of a bar necklace display, appreciating the beauty of the simple necklaces, each with a different word engraved in the metal. A gold one with the word “Wander” in cursive script caught my eye.
My first day with Grey and his reference to the now familiar quote fromTheLord of the Ringsfilled my thoughts. This week I had wandered away from my routine, my safety net. Now I felt more lost than I had the day I had come home to find Lyle kissing Emily on my couch. And if it was at all possible, a part of me felt even more devastated. Which told me all I needed to know about my relationship with Lyle. In this moment, Imourned the loss of what could have been more than a real relationship I’d invested over a year of my life into.
“I think it’s meant for you,” Grey said, gesturing to the necklace. “Maybe I’ll get a matching one.” He gave me a crooked grin, no doubt expecting me to laugh or banter back.
Instead, I shook my head and put the necklace back. “Unfortunately, it’s not really in the budget right now. Though you should still get one. I bet it would go great with flannel.”
“I do have a certain standard of fashion to live up to.” Grey struck a pose, arms across his chest and hip cocked.
I snorted. “You could give the biggest fashionista a run for her money with your lumberjack chic.”
“That’s all I’ve ever really wanted.”
