Page 58 of Losing Sleep
I sobered as our banter registered. I shouldn’t be doing this, not with Grey. Not if he had one foot out the door. The overheard conversation and mentions of a new opportunity came flooding back. I was not signing myself up for more heartbreak, not if I could help it.
“You okay? You’ve seemed off since the hike.” Grey rested his hand on my shoulder, his warmth making me hesitate for just a moment.
I shook my head and stepped back, trying to create some much-needed distance.
“It’s nothing. Just had an important message come in from work. I might need to leave the trip early.” The lie slipped easily from my lips before I could second-guess myself, knowing this was neither the place nor the time to ask him about Oregon. I needed to find a way off this trip and back to Utah, back to where it was safe and where there weren’t bearded men who left me questioning my career goals and life choices. I just had to find a way to do it without Grey tagging along and that wouldn’t devastate Tory.
“Keep me posted. If I need to pack up a couple of days early to drive you home, I’m happy to,” he said, sincerity ringing in every word.
I nodded, refusing to commit to anything. The last thing I needed right now was several more hours in the car alone with Grey. I could pretend my heart wasn’t aching if we weren’t alone and our interactions were brief. If I had hours of uninterrupted time, who knew what I would say? If I wasn’t careful, Grey could convince me to give him my heart, and I didn’t think I could survive giving it to the wrong man again.
I exited the store, passing Tory at the checkout.
“Audrey, you okay?”
I gave a noncommittal noise, rushing to exit the store in my need to get outside and away from Grey. The wooden storefront had a certain rustic appeal, but the coziness of the town was lost on me as I continued to drown in my thoughts. The desire to run, to hide, to escape rang loud and clear in my ears. I didn’t even care about the risk of running into wild animals on the drive home. I needed to get out of Idaho and Montana, now.
As I rushed down the street headed towards the cars, I bumped shoulders with Brad.
“Easy there,” Brad’s hands cupped my shoulders, holding me steady. “Where are you running to?”
“I just needed some air,” I gasped out, my breaths coming in sharp, staccato beats. The world was closing in, and I couldn’t get enough oxygen.
“Do you know where the rest of the group is? I was with Alex, but he wanted—”
Brad’s words stopped registering as I struggled to fill my lungs, each breath coming out as a ragged gasp.
“Audrey? Audrey!” Brad grabbed my shoulders, giving me a gentle shake and pulling me back into the moment. The worryon his face indicated he’d been trying to get my attention for a few minutes.
“Audrey, I need you to relax. Breathe with me.” Brad’s hand rubbed gently up and down my arm, coaxing me to follow his instructions.
My first inhale rasped against my throat as I tried to follow Brad’s instructions.
“Good. Now can you breathe deeper? Try counting to four as you breathe in.” Brad’s voice was steady and calm.
It took a moment for my brain to process Brad’s instructions, but slowly, the deep breathing helped to still the rising panic in my chest. Taking one more deep shuddering breath, I sank onto a nearby bench, Brad settling in next to me.
“Better?” Brad asked, his tone wary, like he was approaching a wild animal.
“Much, thank you. I just…” I paused, unsure how to express what had happened. “I became overwhelmed,” I finished lamely.
Brad nodded, as if I’d said something sage and wise instead of a lame excuse for having had a panic attack in the middle of a tourist town. “It happens to the best of us. I’m sure getting some food in your stomach will help. It’s been a long, busy day, and emotions have been high.”
We sat there, watching as families of tourists scurried past us, rushing from one souvenir shop to the next, arms loaded down with bags full of their purchases.
“Is she okay?” A feminine voice asked, and I looked up to find Tory standing next to the bench, concern written on every facet of her face.
“I don’t know if I can make it to the end of the trip,” I muttered, unable to stop the words from spilling out. “It’s a long time to spend with the same group of people, and I’m starting to stress about work, and—”
Tory held up a hand, cutting me off. “Don’t blame this on work. What’s really going on? The fear on your face has nothing to do with your job.”
She sank onto the bench next to me, forcing Brad to move to make room for her. She wrapped an arm around me, inviting me to tell her everything. I hesitated only a moment, not wanting to open up this much in front of Brad, but too exhausted to move or pretend I was fine.
“It’s just everything with Grey. It’s too much.” I knew I owed her more, but it was all I could say at this moment, unsure how to fully explain that I was running away from a nonexistent relationship before he could leave me behind.
Tory studied my face, seeing more than I cared to admit. I silently begged her not to pry, knowing she could see straight past my excuses. I felt horrible about leaving her birthday trip early, but I would feel even worse ruining the trip with my emotions and the confrontation I knew was building between me and Grey.
“But you rode up with Grey.” She spoke the words softly, as if trying to reassure an injured animal. “How are you going to get home?”
