Page 50 of Skating the Blue Line
“You won’t.” I reassure her even though I have no idea what I’m talking about.
“I want to be a mom. I really do, but I don’t want to give up dancing. Not right now. I don’t know what to do,” she pauses, taking in shallow breaths. “Please don’t hate me.”
It’s her last four words that have me pulling back from her and placing a finger under her chin so that she can look up at me.
“I don’t hate you now and I won’t hate you whenever you make a choice.”
“You say that now, but things could change,” she says through a shaky breath.
“They won’t. It’s your body, Chloe. You may not know me very well yet, but know this, I will never, ever hate you for making whatever choice it's best for you.”
Chloe looks up at me with tear filled eyes and all I want to do is slide my hand up just a little and wipe her tears away.
I want to take away all the uncertainty and pain that she is feeling and make everything easier for her.
But she’s not mine to wipe tears away. She’s not mine to protect from the bad and the pain.
Even if she is pregnant with my baby.
I have no claim for her and I doubt that I ever will.
Things are silent between us for a few seconds until she breaks it.
“Do you want kids?” she whispers, new tears springing in her eyes.
Her question takes me a bit by surprise.
Do I?
I answer her question as truthfully as I can.
“I never really thought about it. Kids are part of life, sure, but they haven’t something that I’ve actively thought about. I never really thought about the when of it all.”
My mom has been asking me for grandchildren for the last four years. Every time I go home she tells me to meet a nice girl and to at least give her one grandkid to spoil.
I brushed her off every single time.
“And if the when of it all isn’t right now?” One of her tears escapes, and I don’t bother holding back my control and stopping it with my thumb.
“Then that would be okay. I would be okay as long as you are. I’m not going to stand in front of you and force you to do something because the time isn’t right for you but it is for me. No matter what, you’ll have my support.”
And it’s the truth.
I’m not the type of man that is going to force a woman to do anything that she doesn’t want to. And I’m definitely not one to walk away when he is needed the most. Baby or no baby.
“You mean that?” she asks, wiping away at her face.
“Yeah, I do.” I say, brushing away a hair strand.
Chloe gives me a nod, before stepping back into my arms and letting out another sob.
We stand like that for what feels like a long time but in the end it only turns out to be ten minutes.
Eventually, we break apart and I offer her a ride home.
Whole way to her apartment, we don’t say a single word, both of us in our thoughts about how quickly our lives have changed.
This morning, the only thing that I was thinking about was seeing Chloe and possibly having a repeat of our nights together.
