Page 105 of Skating the Blue Line
“I know that’s what we agreed on. I was there. I was the one that said until the baby was born. I just thought that after everything that’s been going on in the last month, things would change. I thought that you and the baby would stay here for longer.”
“How much longer?” I ask, keeping my eyes down in the tiny clothes.
“I don’t know? Forever?”
I finally look up at the word forever.
No way he wants that.
“I can’t stay here forever, Liam.”
“Why the fuck not?” he asks, sounding almost mad about it.
“Because.” I tell him, not knowing what else to say.
“Because isn’t a fucking answer, Chloe. Why the hell can’t you live here?”
“Because! What happens when you meet someone and you want to bring them over and have them spend the night? Where am I gonna go? I don’t wanna hear you sexing up another woman and I sure as hell don’t want a stranger coming around my kid while she flirts with my baby daddy.”
I don’t know where that came from. Never have I thought about Liam with anyone else or what it would mean if he brought someone over. It was never a thought, because Liam never showed anything but fidelity to me even without a relationship holding it to me.
Its devotion to his daughter not to you.
“Who said anything about me meeting anybody else?” He asks angrily, standing up from the couch and putting some distance between us.
“We’re not together, Liam. You can meet and date and sex up whoever you want,”
“How did we get here? How the hell did we get from you telling you that you want to move out to saying that I can date and sex up whoever I want? I don’t want to be with someone else. I don’t know if you’ve noticed but in the last six months, I’ve been with you or with that team, that’s it. I went to a bar once and that was to celebrate winning a game and you started out the night with me. I’m only interested in one person and I thought we were going in the right direction but now she’s telling me that she wants to move out and that I should date people.”
“You only think that you're interested because I’m pregnant with your baby.” I say, dropping my eyes from his.
“You’ve said that before. You said it at the park and you are saying it now. But have I told you that?” he asks, no longer yelling. “Have you heard those words come out of my mouth? Because if I remember correctly I’ve told you before that you are way more than just my kid’s mother. I’ve told you that I would care about you with or without the baby.”
“What happens when the baby comes and all that disappears?” I ask, finally feeling the tears again.
“It won’t,” he says through his teeth.
“You don’t know that. We’re not a couple. We’re not in a relationship, we’re not tied to each other. You’re saying all these words but what happens when the baby comes and they all disappear?” I say, letting a tear escape.
“We’re not together because you said it was best.” He answers back.
“You agreed to it.” I argue.
“Yes, I did. Because it was the best decision at the time, but that doesn’t mean I stand by it now.”
“What does that even mean?” I ask, wiping at my face.
“It means that if I could go back, I would make you mine. It means that I don’t give a flying fuck if we didn’t know each for all that long or that we were going to be parents. I would have made you mine and you wouldn’t be having doubts about how I feel about you.”
He goes silent, not even moving, just waiting for me to give him some sort of response. He stands in front of me, his whole body radiating all the anger he is feeling, waiting for me to say something.
I don’t because I don’t know what to say.
Do I believe him and take his word for everything that he just told me? That he only wants me and still will when the baby comes?
What if he’s wrong? What if I take him for his word and become his but the second we leave the hospital everything told me disappears?
What would I do then?
