Page 42 of His Gift
When there's no answer, I finally raise my head and find teary eyes.
"What?"
"What do you mean 'what'? The things you said, you moron."
"It's what I felt. Why? Is it not normal?"
"Not normal?"
"I have no clue what I should have felt, Harper. It's all so strange… I thought it was a good metaphor."
She puts her hand over mine, but keeps silent and I go back to nuzzling her neck. Was it strange enough to make her cry? It was exactly how it felt, though.
"Why do you always hide after sex?"
"Hide?"What's she talking about?
"Yes. You turn me around and spoon me from behind. Now you can't, so you hide in my neck."
Hmm, she may have a point.
"Okay… never thought about it. Probably you're right. Why? You're a switch, Harper. I look at the rest of the world, interact with anyone else, and there's nothing. Then you enter my thoughts, I see you, you send me a message, and all of a sudden there's too much. Again, I don't have a clue how to navigate this. I just know I won't let you run away again."
I should check her reaction, but I don't want to. She'll either tell me what she's thinking or not. I wouldn't understand otherwise, and I don't really want to see more tears. A few have already slipped down her cheek and reached my… well, hiding spot.
"Why did you always expect to find your perfect match?"
Ah, fuck. For a second, it's like I'm back at the aquarium. Will she understand? But my gift needs to know things, to elaborate on them. Tounderstand my feelings. Maybe she'll have better luck with that than me. I've already had enough trouble feeling them.
"I sort of lied. I didn't always expect to find you. I was on a school trip to the aquarium—middle school. There was this old couple, or at least they looked old to me. They were kissing with such passion, as if being even an inch apart would make them drop dead. Then my teacher scolded them and they took off, holding hands and laughing like a pair of kids. It made an impression. I couldn't imagine I'd ever feel like that, but it looked… nice. Important. I knew I was different from the other kids by then. And I decided then and there that I'd find someone who was as perfect for me as those two were for each other. That I'd grow old with her like they did. I didn't really believe it. It was more of a goal. A promise that at some point in my life there would be no more… nothingness. But I didn't even know if I wanted it. I was fine as I was. And yet, something was missing. Then I saw you."
This time I raise my head, knowing there will be more tears. They've soaked my face.
"Why are you crying, Harper?" I didn't want to make her cry.
"I need to think about what you said, Conrad. I… can't. Not right now. Can we just sleep?"
I cover us with the sheets and slide a little closer to her. I should turn off the lights, but I enjoy watching Harper sleep, and she always leaves one on anyway.
"I'd like an explanation, but I can wait. Good night, my gift."
She laces our fingers together, gives a squeeze, then looks away. Who's hiding now, sweet girl?
thirty-two
Conrad
Harper's fumbling with her crutches wakes me.
"Wait. Let me help."
"Nope. I'm fine. Besides, I feel better than I've felt in months, and I need to pee—which, as I already said yesterday before the shower, is not a socialactivity."
I sigh, making a point of letting her hear it, and watch Harper hop her way to the bathroom. She could be right. It sure looks like she's already better.
"Could you bring me a pair of leggings and a hoodie and wear something too? When I'm out, we need to talk."
Shit. The need to be dressed before we talk might mean she wants to keep her distance, something I never like. But I'm due for some answers of my own. She's always been so clammed up, and I didn't push enough to make her talk, which led to disaster. Too bad that I could simply exist as long as I'm with her, if only she would stop fighting. Fingers crossed, maybe today she'll finally open up.
