Page 37 of His Gift
I wheel her through the corridors, ignoring her sigh. When we are in the elevator and she's about to make another attempt, I stop her.
"Give up. I'll be with you for the next few days. Dr. Crowe promised that if you follow the instructions, you'll be on your feet sooner than you think. I'll be there to make sure you follow said instructions."
"Same as a nurse," she mumbles.
"A nurse would not be as invested." Another sigh. She's gotten sassy during these last months. Wish I could remind her that I don't much appreciate sassiness. We'd both have fun.
She tries to stand when we get out of the hospital, but I pick her up and bundle her in the back of the car before taking place at the wheel.
"What does it feel like when you panic?"
"I heard the doctor being a little snitch." I shrug. It's not as if I didn't know. "Depends. Sometimes I feel suffocated, my head hurts... And I lose track of time. When I was at your house, besides puking, I held my breath until I almost fainted without even realizing it."
"What's the trigger?"
"For a long time, I didn't know. My therapist… has helped me find a few."
She falls silent, and I wait for her to talk. When she doesn't, I reach back with my hand and nudge her knee lightly.
"Fine. When someone yells at me, like my uncle did on the last day I saw him. When I'm scared. More rare, but also when someone criticizes me." I furrow my brows.
"Criticizes you how?"
"I told you my mother made it her job to make me miserable. It can be my weight, my hair, or a comparison with someone else. Most of the time it's not even a criticism, it just echoes my mom's words."
Such a pity you can't kill dead people.
"You know that you—"
"Calm down dude." Harper smirks at me in the rearview mirror. I don't find it cute. Not this time. "I know. Sometimes I eat the most unhealthy things and sometimes I starve myself. And sometimes I want to shave my head or wear a burlap sack. But most of the times I'm a pretty well balanced adult. I like myself. What I don't like is the image of myself she hammered inside my head."
"And that your ex reinforced."
"Yeah. Still not a good reason to beat him up. Which you already did. No need to do it again."
Her phone buzzes, and she checks it.
"Change of plans, Conrad. Irene… Agent Vance is coming to talk."
"And why should that mean a change of plans? I don't go around with 'killer' written on my forehead—not for anyone else but you. And as far as anyone else's concerned, I'm a pretty outstanding member of society. I'll be there. High time I meet this FBI agent. I saw she cares about you, but no one even suspected I was on your traces or watching you."
She sucks her breath. Yep. I guess she already thought about it. Harper is anything but stupid. But I laid it pretty clear for her to see. I don't want to scare her, but even after being kidnapped, she doesn't take into consideration all the potential risks. I snatched her as soon as she entered her apartment's door. No one else will do the same again.
I don't like Harper's new apartment more than I liked the old one. Same mess, even smaller space. I know that I'll have to pick my battles, though. She's as tense and closed off as she could be and all of my tonight's thinking has brought me jack shit clarity. Well, aside from the fact that she's filled a cold place inside me the moment she laid her eyes on me the other night. A place she left behind. And that maybe I lied without wanting to when I said I'll agree to watching her from the shadows.
Fuck. Time to face another complication.
"Agent Vance." She raises her eyebrow and I muster my warmer and most charming smile. Gotta stay on her good side. "I'm Conrad Sinclair, Harper's…" I pause, choosing and discarding so many words, and finally settle on one. "Harper's fiancé." A scoff loud and clear comes from behind me.
My cruel girl is settled on the couch and when I turn to let Agent Vance in, her eyebrows are so high they join her hairline. A silent communication goes on between the two women, then Agent Vance sticks out her hand and I shake it.
"So that's the name you almost told me when I asked you if someone should know what was happening." Harper's face goes flaming red, and that place inside me gets a little warmer. She left me behind. Nothing can change that. But she was at least conflicted. It looks like I'm so idiotic to think that's enough.
"Irene, what's going on?" Harper wants to change the subject, sure, but her voice also has an edge that tells me this is not their usual meeting.
"I really need a coffee." The Fed gives me a look and I nod. She wants to talk to Harper first. This apartment is not big enough that I won't hear their conversation anyway.
"How's your hip?"
