Page 101 of Every Broken Promise
THIRTY-FIVE
I’ve never been moreterrified than I was at this moment. Astrid wanting to talk could either mean she was finally allowing me back in her life or she was hearing me out so she could close the chapter of us once and for all.
I couldn’t do that. Not when she hadn’t even been a chapter in my life; she was a whole damn series.
She was so fucking beautiful, and I regretted all the times I didn’t acknowledge it. It wasn’t that I never found her attractive; it was just easier to ignore my feelings for her and mute them because if she was just a friend, then nothing could break us apart. How naive was I to think that friendships couldn’t be ruined?
Her hair was up in a messy bun, with blonde strands falling loose and framing her face. She wore a cream blouse and a pair of tan shorts that looked amazing on her shapely legs.
Legs I knew felt damn fucking good wrapped around my waist.
If I lost her now, it would fucking kill me. Especially now that I knew how she tasted, felt her coming around my cock, and the way she gave me that smart-ass mouth without hesitation was something I wanted her to only do with me.
“I’m sorry about the other day,” I let her know. I felt sick when she threw it in my face that I had failed her once before. I wanted to show her I wasn’t that stupid teen anymore, but it seemed like I kept choking where she was concerned.
Nothing against Collin. Shit wasn’t his fault either. None of it would have happened if people hadn’t been up their asses and treated everyone with kindness. Collin had been looking to fit in, and in wanting to be cool, he ended up hurting Astrid.
“I didn’t think to warn you that Collin might want to talk to you.”
She fiddled with the hem of her shorts.
“You talk to him a lot?”
“He had just gotten out of the hospital when I beat the shit out of him.”
Astrid winced at my honesty, but she didn’t seem surprised.
“Why would you do that?” she whispered.
I took a step toward her, and when she didn’t move back, I felt a bit of relief.
“Because he hurt you,” I admitted. “He wasn’t even mad at me for it. He knew it was thanks to you that things didn’t get any worse. Collin was an outcast, and he wanted to fit in. Instead of being honest or not submitting to peer pressure, he chose to blame you as well because he couldn’t handle the fact that everything got ruined because of him.”
She gave me a sad little smile that made my chest ache. Her nose scrunched and I knew she did that when she didn’t want to cry. God, I really needed her in my arms. We used to do that all the time when we were little. Console one other—cry in each other’s arms. When did we lose that? She was my rock after I lost my mom, how could I have been so stupid and not been hers?
“So, I was just a convenient scapegoat?”
“No,” I told her as I took another step closer.
“It was all my fault,” I admitted.
At this, Astrid seemed confused.
I tentatively took hold of her hand. Astrid looked at where our hands were joined and then back at my face.
“We used to hold hands all the time when we were little,” I reminded her of the fact.
“I know,” she replied.
“Why did we stop?”
Astrid shrugged and, like me, had no answer. She let herself be led to the office where we had a couch. Once she sat down, I crouched in front of her and took both her hands in mine.
“I think I’ve been in love with you my whole life,” I told her, and the only indication that she had heard me was her sharp intake of breath. “You were my everything. You were like sunshine on my gloomiest days. When my mom passed away, everyone said I gained an angel in heaven, and I didn’t understand that, but what I did know is that I had one with me at all times…that was you, Astrid.”
I took a deep breath because getting everything out when I had repressed it for so long was harder than I thought it would be.
“When I was a little kid, I adored you. As I got older, I was devoted to you. It was you and me against the world. Somewhere along the line I fell in love with you, but I was fucking scared of losing you.”
