Page 81 of Dubious Match
“Thank you,” I say. “I think I should do that.”
“Got it,” he says, standing. “Those are all my questions. I’m going to go see if we can get the chest scan done any sooner, Hollis.”
“Thanks, Adrain,” Brice says.
“If you take too long, I’m going to ask the nurse for more pain medicine and sleep,” I say, yawning.
The only good thing about this hospital stay is that I’m getting caught up on my sleep. That’s really fucked up to say, but that’s my life.
“If I take longer than fifteen minutes, I’ll send the nurse to you,” Adrain says, striding out of the room.
“He’s not bad,” Brice says.
Smirking, I lift a shoulder. “I know good people,” I reply.
“Okay, here’s something that’s been on my mind, and the doctor just gave me the perfect opportunity to ask. Tell me what you want to do about your heat?” he asks. “If it happens while you’re with us, do we barricade you with sex toys, do you want us to help? Or are we going to play it by ear?”
Be an adult, Hollis.
“Here’s the deal,” I say, swallowing hard. “I usually just use toys and grit my teeth through my heat. However, since we’ve scent matched, it’s more likely that I won’t be able to do that. Heats are much more intense for omegas with scent matches, and they have a really hard time getting through it alone.”
I could say more on the subject, but I don’t want to influence him either way. There’s evidence of omegas losing their minds if they can’t have their scent matches during their heat. At this point, anyone with a knot won’t work.
“I actually didn’t know that,” he murmurs, taking my hand to rub my fingers slowly. “You have four alphas who are willing to do anything you need, baby. Malcolm is very insistent that we shouldn’t rush you, and I agree. However, things are on a different time table with your heat coming into play.”
The corners of my eyesight are darkening, a stark reminder that I need to breathe. Giving in, I gasp in a breath.
“What aren’t you telling me? You look really nervous,” he observes. His clear blue eyes are worried as he gazes at me and I find myself staring back.
“I’m a virgin,” I force out. “It wasn’t necessarily something important to me, it just kind of happened. I don’t date, I set up my company when I moved out when I was eighteen, and there wasn’t any time to do any of that. I was helping people make connections, and I kind of blocked myself off.”
“Is there any other reason for it?” he asks softly.
“I…had a sister. I actually don’t know if she’s alive or not,” I sigh. “She was kidnapped when she was exactly two weeks old, shortly after Christmas. We were side by side in our bassinets, and someone took her and left me.”
The knowledge that it’s November and that both my birthday and the anniversary that Maree was kidnapped is the following month lays heavy on me. The holidays aren’t a happy time for me.
“Hollis, I’m so sorry,” Brice says, shaking his head. “I can’t imagine. I have little sisters, and they enjoy meddling. I adore them regardless.”
“See, I love that, and I ended up missing all of those moments. Maree was my twin, and I often feel like something’s just missing,” I sigh. “Somewhere along the way, I decided that my mission to help people find love was more important than anything else. Caleb and Lars make me stop and smell the lemon bars so to speak periodically, but I figured if Maree didn’t get a chance at all of the things that people experience in life, then maybe I didn’t deserve to either.”
“Hollis,” Brice murmurs. “Do you think this is some sort of survivor's guilt?”
“Oh I know it is,” I say with an ironic laugh. “My parents looked for her for years before finally pretending she never existed. It’s so awful. I don’t talk to them very much, because their actions disgust me. I pretended not to know you, my scent matches, or react because the narrative in my head is that I don’t deserve it if she doesn’t ever get to experience this too.”
“We were also assholes,” Brice grunts, making me smile. “I wouldn’t have acknowledged us either. Do you know for sure that she’s not in the world anymore?”
“I don’t,” I rasp. “She’s my twin though. I would know if she was alive or dead I feel, and there’s… static deep inside of me. I don’t know what to do with that. I’ve used my resources to look for her, but nothing comes up.”.
“Then you don’t know either way,” he says. “Keep looking, you never know where life takes us. I mean that. Meanwhile, I don’t know anyone who would want you to live in this holding pattern you’ve been in. Of anyone, you deserve good things, baby.”
Scent matches can’t be escaped unless they’re rejected. Biology and fate meet in the middle to bring them back together. I’ve seen it happen often with people who swear they hate each other. All I can say is that I’ve heard that there’s something to be said for hate fucking.
I’ve lived vicariously through people for the past ten years.
“Funny you should say that,” I say, my voice full of emotion. “I decided that I’m going to let myself live a little. I kind of wanted my first time to be outside of a heat if I ever had one…”
“Hollis,” Brice growls, pulling my eyes from the spot on his shoulder. I didn’t realize until just now that I started to hide. “Baby. However, it happens with us, we’ll take care of you. Our focus is making you feel good, cherished, and special during that time. Fuck, all the time if you’ll let us, but I’m getting ahead of myself. The fact that we’ll be your firsts is amazing. Do any of the guys know this?”
