Page 189 of The Last One
Peering at the cuts on my cheek, Jadon says, “You look better than you did yesterday.”
I don’t remember yesterday, but then I don’t remember lots of days. I rest my chin on my knees. “You made antivenoms and brought me back from the brink of death. You haven’t beentotallyuseless.”
“It won’t be enough.” His scowl returns as he stares into the fire.
“What does that mean?” I ask. “Am I going to succumb to the venom after all?”
“No, it’s not that. It’s— Never mind.” He goes back to staring into the fire.
“More secrets?” I snap. “What else is there?”
With his firmly set mouth and the distant look in his eyes, he’s finally shaken off the husk of old Jadon. This version of Jadon is a prince by birth, not the man who crafted weapons and pretended to be a simple blacksmith.
“You owe me an explanation,” I say. “Who am I traveling with? Jadon Ealdrehrt, the smithy? Or Jadon Wake, Prince of Brithellum? Nice to meet you, Your Highness. Or is it ‘Your Grace’? Is it even ‘Jadon’? Or are you Syrus Wake, Third of His Name, Prince of Brithellum and the First Men, Protector of Vallendor, the Keeper of Flame, the Blacksmith, the Best Fucking Liar on This Side of Wherever the Fuck We Are Right Now? Did I forget one?”
His knee bounces as he breaks twigs into little sticks. “Kai, it’s not like that.”
“Then what is it like?” I ask. “Because up until now, everything you’ve told me is a lie.”
Our confessions in the dark.It’s not like that.
How he feels next to me, beside me, inside me.It’s not like that.
Him comforting me, one hurt after another.It’s not like that.
Everything that we did or said to each other—every interaction that had been honest even if it was also uncomfortable and scary—wasn’thonest, just uncomfortable. But I’d accepted comfort in those frustrating moments because at least we were still being authentic. I was wrong.
Kai, it’s not like that.
What it’s like? Hurtful and mean and violent. Loveless.
“Was any of what you told me true?” I ask. “Your abusive adoptive father? Old Myrtle in the shack? The hurt you felt when your General Stery died? That your life has been loveless? Or were you just playing on my pity? Gileon seems to love you well enough.”
I love you, brother. No matter what happens. Always,alwaysremember that.
Jadon tosses those broken twigs into the fire. “Yes, Gileon does love me. We relied on each other when we had no one else to trust. He took a lot of shit for me—he knew his punishment would be milder. He’s the one who told me to run while I could, just to see how life felt outside those walls.”
“Before you married your choice of princess?” I feel him stiffen even though he’s sitting across from me. Once my mind slows from its frantic swirling, once I can breathe steadily, I rush ahead to mess the rest of it up with, “Slumming?Is that what you thought you were doing with me? Whatwewere doing? How you saw me?”
He shakes his head. “It’s not like that.”
“Stopsayingthat!” I yell. “Would you even tell me if youdidthink that?”
He finally lifts his eyes to meet mine. “No.”
I wait to hear him say more than this, but it feels like I’m looking out an open window and letting in both hot air and cold air, sweet air and foul… And this makes me shiver. “No,” I say, not moving my gaze from his but choosing, instead, to push deeper into my gaze, deeper than I’ve ever gazed before, and there, at the end of my stare, there’s…a closed window, the glass opaque and unbreakable.
Opaque because I can no longer hear his thoughts. Is that now my new weakness?
Or, because of Elyn’s gifts, is that now his newest strength? I press my palms to my temples to silence the buzzing in my head. I’m not fully healed from the venom yet.
“I’ve never faked how I feel about you,” he says, his voice husky.
I push through the malaise and focus on his face, hoping to see something there to prove his words are true. I don’t. A liar is a liar. “What is this ‘plan’ Gileon mentioned?” I ask. “What did he mean by no one expecting the Grand Defender to be so tantalizing?”
Jadon shakes his head, and his eyes roam back to the fire. “‘Plan’ meaning when I was supposed to return to Brithellum. And about how no one thought that you—”
“Me?”
