Page 190 of The Last One
“You—the Grand Defender,” Jadon says, “the one who plans to stop the emperor from conquering all of Vallendor, would look like…you.”
I jerk and sit up straighter. “What doesthatmean?”
And who said thatIwastheGrand Defender? Sybel didn’t call me that. Elyn didn’t call me that. What makes Gileon Wake think that I am? Besides, I’m not here to stop the emperor from conquering all of Vallendor. He is not the One…is he? Sybel didn’t say he was…but it’s hard to think of anyone else who it might be.
“Gileon didn’t expect you to be so strong,” Jadon continues. “That you could possibly have so much influence that I’d lose my way.”
“Have you?” I ask. “Lost your way?”
He says nothing, then: “Yes.”
I turn my head toward the cave walls. But his admission is not enough. I look back at him. “Are you saying that you knew who I was before I did?”
His jaw tightens. Then: “Yes.”
I can’t even say, “What,” because I’ve lost my ability to gasp.
“But not at first,” he corrects. “I thought you’d stolen the amulet from someone, just like Olivia stole it from you. But the more time we spent together at Veril’s and on the road, the stronger you became… I could no longer doubt who you were.” He shakes his head, then looks at me with awe. “My father’s greatest enemy landing in the town I was hiding in… Here I am, trying to hide out in Maford, but I can’t even do that because of…because of fate.”
I drop my head between my knees to keep from fainting, and my breath saws in and out in short pants. My mind races—How could you, why didn’t you say something, you watched me flail, you have no heart, why, why,why?I want to ask all these things and say so much more, but his confession has punched me so hard that I’ve gone mute.
“Not everything I told you was a lie.” Jadon’s eyes flash, and he stands up and backs away from me. “The emperor…my father…we… he… He’s never loved me. That’s true. To him, I’m good for one thing: killing. But when I’m with you, I’m more than that. And every day I’ve spent with you, I wished that… I wanted… I tried to figure out a way that it could be just the two of us together.
“And sometimes, itwasjust the two of us, and it was so incredible, so…otherworldly, but eventuallythisworld interfered again. Soldiers, Elyn, aburan, fucking gerammocs. All of it reminded me of my destiny and forced me to remember that I’m nothing more than a killer. And even now, my father doesn’t want me back because hemissesme. He wants me back because he’ll become more powerful with me behind him. Not even at his side. That would suggest equality, and there’s no one equal to Supreme manifested as man.”
“So your solution, then,” I say, lifting my head from my knees, “was to lie to me. Lie to someone who actually cared about you and would’ve helped—”
“Helped?”He laughs, and it’s a jagged and terrible sound.
Expressionless, he squares his shoulders and clenches his hands into fists. “I don’t think I can—” He begins again. “This isn’t working, and I’m doing nothing but hurting you.”
“How many times are you going to say that?”
“Until I believe it,” he shouts. “Until I accept it—”
“Acceptwhat?” I shout back. “That you’re not perfect? That people hurt other people, especially those they’re supposed to care about? Or accept that you’ve played a role in me being in this cave, and if I never find my amulet and become nothing more than a wisp of who I was, then it’s your fault? Because yes, you’ve hurt me. A lot. And I haven’t done anything to deserve that.” I lift an arm and swing it through the air. “But now what? How is any of this acceptance helping us right now? Oh yeah. I keep forgetting that there is no ‘us.’ You told me that. But then you took it back in my room at the inn, and now…” I squeeze the bridge of my nose and take a breath. “Now, I know nothing.”
“We’re wasting time,” he says.
“Are we?” I scoff. “Where doyouhave to be right now? Oh, are you choosing now to return to your brother and your fancy life in the castle? Things get too rough for you out here, Prince Jadon?”
He glares at the fire. The saddlebag slides off his shoulder and lands at his feet. “I should’ve left when you were still asleep,” he says more to himself than to me. “It would’ve been easier for both of us.”
Veril Bairnell the Sapient was right again.Don’t trust anyone to bring you that which makes you whole. They may notwantyou whole.
Jadon never wanted me whole.
“Just go ahead and say something,” he demands, eyes hot. “Curse at me. Call me a coward or—” He exhales, and his shoulders drop. “But I’m still leaving.”
I search his eyes, but I can’t find him there. But then…whoishe? “You’re abandoning me here because you’re, what? Frightened? Confused? Bored? Lazy? Evil? What?”
“I’m doing this to help you,” he says, his teeth clenched. “You going on your own means I can’t be forced to hurt you, no matter what Gileon or my father want—”
“Is that it?” I ask, squinting at him. “You’re scared of Daddy now that he’s got his eyes on you? Are you relieved that you’re about to live your happily ever after, that you can now stop roaming andslummingacross all of Vallendor with someone like me—?”
“That’s not it at all!” he shouts. “Have you heard anything I’ve said? I’m leaving to protect you!”
“By leaving me in acave?” I shriek.
