Page 75 of Game Changer
If you love something let itgo?
No. No, this is all wrong.
I was supposed to come in here and we would apologize to each other and kiss and make up. That’s how every romance movie works. It’s how every rom-com I’ve ever watched ends, and I refuse to accept that this is over between us. Really, truly over. My expectations aren’t unrealistic. He told me as much, so dammit, he needs to live up to this one too. My happily ever after is withhimand no one else.
“I am sure,” I whisper. “You’re theonlything I’ve ever been sure about, Ethan.”
He smiles, but it’s not a genuine one. It’s a smile filled with pity. “I meant what I said outside of your parents’ house. I’m in love with you, Maya, but I’ve learned to love myself, too, this year. Truthfully? I’m tired of wearing masks in front of people, and if we were to stay together, I’d have to pretend to be someone I’m not to prove to your parents that I’m worthy of you when the truth is I’m worthy of you now. Just as I am. And trust me, it’s a shitty realization because you are—” His voice catches. “You’re everything to me. Always have been. But I can’t stay in a situation where I’ll never feel like I’m enough. I hope you understand that.”
I laugh at the ceiling in frustration, desperately trying to hold my tears back. “You’re more than enough, Ethan. You’re the man of my dreams.”And I’m in love with you too.
The sentence feels meaningless when he doesn’t intend to stay with me, but I can’t find it in me to be angry with him when I understand. He’s worked so hard to get to where he’s at in life, and my parents’ opinions threaten to tear his progress to the ground. Even if I was to disregard what they think and run off with him, it would always be in the back of his mind.
“I was unworthy ofyou,” I whisper. “You’ve always thought it was the other way around, but I envy the woman you choose to end up with because she’s going to bereallylucky.” My chin wobbles but I push through it. “And I’m proud of you for finally realizing your worth and figuring out your passion this year. No matter what my dad says, being a coach isnothingto be ashamed of. You’re impacting kids’ lives, and that’s one of the hardest jobs there is. I just . . . I wish things were different, and I wish my parents would change their minds, but—”
The mattress dips beside me, and he doesn’t think twice before tugging me into his chest. Sobs rack my body as he squeezes me tightly and buries his head in my shoulder. I want to scream at the unfairness of all of this. I want to tell him to run away with me and never look back, but that would only make things more complicated. He’s right. My parents do mean the world to me, and although I’d be happy with him, it’d kill me to drive a wedge between us.
“That means a lot to me, Maya, and maybe your parents will change their minds one day, but that day isn’t today or probably anytime soon. And youareworthy of me, don’t think for a second that you aren’t. I can’t imagine ever ending up with someone else because in every dream of mine, it’s always been you, but I love you too much to rip you away from your family.”
I fall apart in his arms, hating that this is the last time I’ll ever hold him. I don’t want to let go, and it seems he doesn’t want to, either, because we stay locked in an embrace far longer than we should. Seconds pass, and then minutes before finally, he pulls away and wipes his eyes with the sleeve of his sweatshirt. They’re red and puffy, likely a reflection of mine, and no matter how hard I try, I can’t make sense of this situation.
We both love each other. We both want to end up together. And yet we can’t make this work. Outside factors are forcing us apart, and I can’t do anything to stop it. It’s exhausting trying to fight the inevitable.
Right person, wrong timehas never rung more true.
“I hope you get everything you’ve ever wanted out of life.” His words are like a kiss to my fractured heart. “I hope you recognize how talented you are, and I hope that if your parents can’t accept us, they will acceptyou. Your aspirations, passions, and everything that makes you so unique. You’re one of a kind. Never forget that.”
I’m a blubbering mess when he presses his lips to the crown of my head and rises to his feet. There’s so much I want to say, but I can’t bring myself to speak when it won’t make a difference. Everything we’ve built over the past three months is crumbling to the ground. It’s fading into a barren wasteland filled with the possibilities of what could have been, and all I want is for my feelings to vanish with it.
I’m self-aware enough to realize that’s a lie, though. I don’t want to forget a single minute with Ethan Davis. From sharing the last bite of ice cream to playing chicken with his sister in the pool. Our first kiss in his parents’ car. Our first night together in the hot tub. All those moments led to me becoming the person I am today, and this year, not only did he discover himself, but he helped me discovermyselftoo.
My only regret is not being truthful with him from the very beginning. I thought it was in his best interest, but it only turned around to bite me in the ass.
The truth is, I deserve all the repercussions.
Including losing him.
“I’m so sorry for everything, Ethan. For not being truthful with you, and for everything that went down at my parents. You didn’t deserve it. Any of it. But I also need you to know that I don’t choose them over you. I made my decision a while ago, and if you asked me to today, I’d run away with you without any hesitation to start a life together. I’d pick you over them.”
His gaze softens, and his fists are clenched at his sides, like he’s physically incapable of keeping his distance from me. “I know,” he whispers through tears of his own. “But I can’t allow you to make that decision. Iwon’t.”
When I reach his door, I turn to get my last fill of him. Blue, glassy irises, full lips, and messy hair I love to run my fingers through. He’s my favorite person. He’smyperson, and although my parents don’t approve of him now, maybe they will in time, and if that ever happens . . .
There’s not a single person on this earth who could keep me away from him.
~
Two hours later, I’m back beneath the safety of my comforter with my laptop playing a Hallmark holiday movie that Maddie swore would make me feel better. I know I look like hell because shehatesthese types of films, and yet she practically begged me to stay on a video chat so we could hit play at the same time and watch it together.
My eyes are swollen and red after confiding in Maddie about the breakup with Ethan. I had to come clean sooner rather than later before word got back to her about therealreason we had to end things. The secret I kept not only from Ethan, but from her too.
“Oh, look! Daniel is driving through the storm to get her back.” Maddie sighs like she’s genuinely into this movie, which couldn’t be further from the truth.
“Can you stop trying to make me feel better? You’re itching to turn this off. Tell the truth.”
Maddie’s a terrible liar, so in seconds, she gives in andhuffs. “Okay, you’re right. This is awful. How is risking his life romantic? He couldn’t wait until the morning to apologize to her? You know, when there isn’t a blizzard outside?”
My best friend’s critiques of the movies I enjoy normally irritate me, but I find comfort in them this time. I’ve never missed her more than I do right now. I’d give anything to have a sleepover in person, where I’d paint her nails or braid her hair while we talked about everything new in our lives or the latest gossip in town. It’s not the same without her here.
