Page 72 of Game Changer
She flinches at my words, and dammit, I shouldn’t be this weak. I shouldn’t want to console her. Ishouldbe trying to piece myself together since my sense of self just fucking shattered all over her porch steps.
Every bit of work I did to fix myself, every therapy session, every pill, and every stupid yoga lesson she put me through was all for nothing. I was an idiot to believe I’d healed my self-esteem. My confidence, which I thought she was helping me rebuild brick by brick, was a mirage. She might as well have used twigs that could snap under the weight of a feather because that single rant from her father was the only match needed to send my soul and me up in flames.
She grasps the sleeve of my sweatshirt, whirling me to face her. “I wanted to tell you, but you’ve been working so hard to find yourself this year. I didn’t—”
“And how did that work?” I fling my arms up in frustration. “You think hearing your dad say all of that stuff about me was easy? Do you think hearing I’m a lowlife who smokes weed all day didn’t wreck me regardless? If I had known, I could have better prepared myself for this. I wouldn’t have walked into something that caught me completely off guard. You should have told me the truth the second they disapproved.”
Maya’s brows are scrunched together, but for the life of me, I can’t figure out why.
“How did you. . . . How did you understand what he was saying?” she asks.
Well, shit. I’m already gutted and bleeding out before her eyes, so I might as well get everything off my chest since I’m already perpetually embarrassed.
“Why do you think I chose to learn Spanish in high school?” I ask. “And why do you think I continued it in community college? Why do you think I’ve been having weekly language sessions with Ronnie, since he’s fluent?”
“Ethan.”
“I always knew your parents were more comfortable with Spanish. I know how important they are to you, and if I had any chance in hell at winning you, I knew I’d need to fit in with your family too.” I laugh at the sky, at what a fucking joke this has become. “I’ve been pining for you foryears, Maya, waiting for the opportunity to have a chance, and it just sucks that it has to end this way when I’m—” I snap my mouth shut to prevent myself from saying something I shouldn’t, but what do I have to lose at this point? I’ve already lost my sanity. Might as well lose my pride too. “When I’m in love with you,” I finish, with a shaky exhale.
Tears stream down her face, dripping from her chin and onto her T-shirt. It’s an effort not to reach for her. Takes every ounce of willpower not to kiss those tears away, but at some point, I need to prioritize myself and my feelings. I’ve bent over backward trying to make this work for us, and has she stuck up for me at all to them? I have no clue. Does she feel the same? Is she also concerned that all I’ll ever be is a coach who can’t support a family?
My mental health is already tanking, so I bite those questions back rather than ask them out loud. After all, I can already piece the puzzle together about how this will end. Her parents mean everything to her. I wouldn’t expect her to choose me over them, nor would I ask her to. This is just one of those situations that really fucking sucks, and no matter how much I want to change it, I can’t.
Her father is still glaring at me from behind the screen door, so it’s not like I can fight for her parents to change their minds when I wouldn’t be surprised if he’s got a shotgun lying around inside the house. There’s not an ounce of me that feels like fighting for something when judging by the darkness in her brown eyes, it seems like I’ve already lost.
She sobs harder, practically gasping for air. “I don’t deserve you, Ethan. I never have. I should have told you the truth from the beginning, before we started things up again, but I didn’t want to ruin all the effort you’ve put into your future. I knew if I told you what my parents thought, it would destroy all your hard work. And I thought once they got to know you, therealyou . . .”
Ihuffout a defeated laugh, sliding my eyes to the screen door where her parents haven’t moved an inch. “It’s a little too late for that, Maya.”
“Things don’t have to end,” she begs. “We can work this out. Please.”
“I’m not in the right headspace to decide something like that, and neither are you. The truth of the matter is that you hid this from me, and until you figure out what it is youtrulywant and can start being honest with yourself, I can’t keep putting my heart on the line when it keeps getting destroyed.”
She shakes her head furiously, clutching my sweatshirt with a force I’m afraid will rip it, and dammit, I’m not strong enough to hold back my tears. One slips onto my cheek when she whispers, “I do know what I want, and it’syou. Please don’t go. I’m sorry. I’msosorry.”
The sobs rocking her body pull the rope in me that seems to be tethered to her. I have no idea where we go from here, but watching her cry is physically painful for me. “Maya.” I pull her into my chest, cursing under my breath when she flings her arms around me as if it’s the last hug we’ll ever share. Maybe it is. Maybe she knows something I don’t. “I can’t stay and hash this out now. I need some space to think things through, and I can’t do that when your dad looks ready to murder me.”
She pulls away to swipe at her face. “Promise me you’ll give me the chance to explain myself. Don’t disappear on me.”
My eyebrows shoot to my hairline. “You’re seriously making me promise that when you’ve done the exact same thing to me?” Raking a hand through my hair, I take another wide step back from her and add, “That isn’t fair of you, Maya. Not when you’ve hurt me twice now. I’ve done nothing but bust my ass for us, and to have this relationship thrown back in my face hurts more than you realize. You knew before we started again that things could never work if your parents didn’t approve. That’s why you ghosted me the first time, right? Therealreason? So why put me through the heartbreak again? Did you even consider my feelings?”
“Of course, I considered your feelings, Ethan! The reason I didn’t tell you was toprotectyour feelings, but I—”
“Maya!”her father shouts.“Entras. Ahora.”
I don’t need the years of Spanish under my belt to understand he’s telling her to come inside. This conversation is over for now, and although it’s frustrating, we need space. Nothing will be solved while our emotions are running high and her parents are breathing down our necks.
I wouldn’t blame her if she sided with her parents. I’d understand.
At the end of the day, I’ll be what her father described me as.
Just a coach.
And that’ll never be enough for them.
Thirty- eight
Ethan
