Page 94 of Puck My Stepbrother
He rose from the table, and I joined him. I could never get enough of the way he towered over me. When he opened his arms, I shuffled up to him and he closed his arms around me. Resting my head on his chest reminded me of dancing outside the reception hall with him.
I had a do-over. I couldn’t screw this up.
“Tell me you love me,” he said.
“I can’t.”
“Yes, you can. All you have to do is let go. Just let go.”
My mind felt so cluttered that letting go felt impossible. And then I pursed my lips, drew a deep breath through my nose, and exhaled. Memories of my past with Levi flashed through my mind, and I struck them down one by one. The past didn’t matter. I only cared about the present, in which Levi had done everything in his power to make me the top priority in his life.
“Just let go.” Levi repeated the mantra.
The words reached the tip of my tongue, but wouldn’t spring off.
“Let go,” Levi murmured again.
“I love you.”
Levi’s arms tightened around me, squeezing, but he didn’t respond in words.
“I love you,” I said again.
This time, I looked up at Levi, who looked down into my eyes, leaned in, and kissed me deeply. I reached around his hips, placing my hands on his hulking back and drinking up every second of this moment.
A rush surged through me. My heart had incarcerated those words with seemingly no chance of release. I wanted to say them a thousand times, but decided even Levi could grow overwhelmed by my emotions.
Besides, we would have plenty of time together to say those words as much as I wanted.
When our lips broke apart, Levi said, “Now, that wasn’t so hard, was it?”
“Are you kidding? It took practically every fiber of my being.”
“Better late than never.”
He had a point. Every time guys like Levi were right and I was wrong, the world made a little less sense. I didn’t mind that, though. At least now I was on the correct course.
“You love me,” he said, “but does that mean you’re going to actuallybewith me?”
“Of course I am. I couldn’t be in love with you and not want to actually be with you.”
“You could try, though. You’ve always been sort of a pain in the ass like that.”
I slapped his arm, and he smiled and laughed instead of recoiling. I decided that meant we’d already turned into something of a couple.
“This reminds me of coming out,” I said, “or being in the closet and not knowing how to come out. Which is it?”
“How is it like coming out?”
“Because no one knows we’re a couple. And it’s not about being gay. I know I don’t have to spell it out for you.”
“Of course not.”
“It’s going to be a problem, and you know it. We won’t be able to hide it forever. One day, we’ll want to take the next step, and all bets will be off.”
He shrugged as if to say those were small details that would work themselves out. I had no idea how he could have such a cavalier attitude about this. Even now, those details seemed massive and, most of all, scary as hell. I doubted this was about Levi acting like the fearless tough guy. He just didn’t care about what others would say.
Levi only cared about love. I understood that. He didn’t have to say it. When he took me in his arms again, I understood that us being together was all that mattered.
