Page 5 of Single Greatest Threat
A humming sound came from Joesph’s side of the car that nearly made Shaw steer off the road so he could jump Joesph. He hadn’t known a person could miss someone so badly. Shaw doubted Joesph would ever let Shaw touch him again. That was okay. He would rather have some of him than none of him. “Honestly, I’m sick of every restaurant imaginable. It’s crazy to cook for just me, so I’ve gotten bad about picking up takeout on the way home every night.”
“It’s less mess and shopping.”
“Exactly.” He heard the commiseration in Joesph’s voice. “It’s a hell of a lot easier for me to get in the house too. If I don’t have groceries delivered, which is getting crazy expensive, it’s an exhausting hundred trips between the car and the house, wheeling in two bags at a time… if I’m lucky. Then I’m so tired afterward, I don’t want to cook anything, which is also such a goddamn chore. Everything is, really.”
Shaw heard the sadness in Joesph’s voice, but hope like he never expected filled Shaw’s chest. Joesph didn’t talk to otherpeople like this. He pretended to be unbothered by how life had changed for him. They had been friends before Joesph’s life had changed. Shaw had watched Joesph go from being an active guy with zero health issues to barely being able to crawl from bed seemingly overnight. He was the perfect example of how a person could do everything right for their health and still get struck down. It was humbling and terrifying the way it could happen to anyone. He watched Joesph go through the stages of grief, mourning the loss of his old self, over and over again. Shaw was the worst fucking human on earth, because he had known all of that, and he had used Joesph anyhow. Every minute. As if Joesph’s life was flawless and Shaw’s to take, Shaw had treated him worse than a homeless person he passed on the street. At least a homeless person would have been left no worse by Shaw pretending they didn’t exist. He was a terrible person who didn’t deserve Joesph, but he would.
Once the thought hit, it grew. He would. Shaw could start now. He could start over. “You know what? I have an idea.” Shaw changed lanes and headed for the closest grocery store to Joesph’s place. Fresh life filled his lungs. Shaw didn’t have to be the person he hated so badly. He didn’t have to be the guy who had come so close to taking his own life.
His throat swelled without warning. The saddest part was, no one knew, because he had no one. Not really. Joesph would have been there for him, despite his own problems, but Shaw had already ruined them before he had ended up spending a week doing inpatient treatment. He hadn’t told a soul. Shaw had been his usual selfish and cocky self, playing the role as he took another vacation. Except he had driven four hours away and checked himself into a “spa” for the rich. He wasn’t sureit helped. The meds made some difference, but—a lot of days—Shaw still barely hung on.
With his thoughts spiraling, he tossed himself into being Joesph’s friend—the way he should have done a long time ago. He pulled into the grocery store parking lot.
Joesph laughed. It was a nervous sound. “We’re not going pity shopping, are we?”
Shaw snorted as he put the car in park. “When have I ever done anything out of pity?” He didn’t wait for an answer. Shaw wasn’t in the right headspace to hear to Joesph agree. He climbed from the car and grabbed Joesph’s wheelchair. Shaw explained as Joesph pushed his way from the car, holding on and steadying himself until he was safely seated again in the chair. “I have a proposal for you.” Shaw headed for the door. He stopped by a stack of hand baskets. “Grab a basket.”
Joesph did so without arguing.
Shaw kept talking. His mood lifted by the second. “Let’s grab stuff for a few nights’ worth of dinners. I’ll buy and help cook the rest of the week, and we can get a break from takeout.”
“How is that a deal? That’s you doing everything.”
The laughter in Joesph’s voice kept Shaw smiling. He hadn’t been this happy in a long time. “Of course it’s a deal. We’re using your kitchen, your electricity, and you’ll be helping. Notto mention, I get your time. I know how precious that is, considering how little I deserve it.”
Joesph didn’t respond, but he didn’t argue, so Shaw started walking down aisles. He hadn’t eaten a home-cooked meal in forever. Shaw actually loved to cook, but it was ridiculous to do so for just one person. Plus, it was lonely as hell. Nothing highlighted how empty his life was quite like sitting down for a meal alone. It was a hell of a lot easier to grab something and eat while poring over work. His throat suddenly swelled again, stealing the happiness he had just regained. He couldn’t even imagine how Joesph felt each night, eating alone. Fuck. He had left Joesph isolated. Shaw didn’t deserve his time.
“You’re my best friend too.”
At Joesph’s sudden, quietly spoken confession, Shaw nearly bent at the waist and sucked air. It was that hard of a punch to the chest. He stopped at the meat section and stared at the selection, seeing nothing. His hands moved from the chair to Joesph’s shoulders without thinking. Once he touched Joesph, he couldn’t stop. Shaw massaged.
To cover the way he couldn’t tear his hands away, he fell back on faked charm. “What should we eat, sexy? I’m game for anything, but it should probably be something simple tonight since it’s already getting late.”
“How about tacos?”
Damn. He hadn’t had tacos in forever. “We should do the full spread. Like a taco bar.” Shaw got into the spirit. “I’ll send Kylie to your place tomorrow to clean up the mess.”
To his surprise, Joesph didn’t argue about Shaw’s cleaning lady coming to his house. “Grab a couple of steaks. If we leave the office on time tomorrow, we can fire up the grill.”
Shaw put the things they needed in the basket. “Leave on time? I’m the boss. Let’s leave an hour early.”
Joesph’s smile was everything. His light blue eyes sparkled with happiness. Shaw had to tear his gaze away. He still remembered exactly how soft Joesph’s light brown hair felt when Shaw held on to it as Joesph bobbed on his dick. Shaw shoved the thoughts from his mind. They were just friends now. He couldn’t let his brain go there. Joesph had always been the single greatest threat to his heart. That was why Shaw had always run like hell from the guy. Shaw didn’t want to run anymore and now it was too late. He had ruined any shot of Joesph loving him. They could be friends again, though. Shaw would take it. He knew he didn’t deserve a damn thing.
Chapter Three
By the time theyfinished shopping, there was so much shit in Joesph’s lap, he could barely hold it all. Shaw had definitely grabbed a lot more brand-name, high-quality things than Joesph ever would have. That was how Joesph comforted himself. If Shaw stopped talking to him again after Joesph refused to fuck him tonight, then at least Joesph had gotten groceries. He recognized that was a shitty way to look at things, but Shaw had been a crappy friend. Joesph doubted he could trust this sudden change. Shaw had always had an amazing streak that came and went. He was mental destruction on two legs. Joesph didn’t have anything left to give.
Life at home was a combination of easier and harder. He knew that didn’t make sense to anyone who didn’t live it. At home, he could move around a little freer. He felt safer about falling, so he used a combination of cane and walker, swapping between the two as needed. There just wasn’t enough space in his house touse his wheelchair and his walker was one of those with the seat that also wouldn’t fit through every space. It was a bit freeing to feel like he could walk around some, but it was exhausting. Likely he was more in the way than not as he pushed his walker around in Shaw’s wake, sitting each time they stopped. Truthfully, he was useless, but he didn’t leave Shaw’s side while Shaw cooked and chopped vegetables.
Shaw opened the fridge and grabbed a bottle of water. As he closed the door, he eyed the line of appointment cards sticking from behind magnets.
He twisted the cap from his bottle. “How is everything going with your treatment?”
Joesph hated talking about his health, but it was Shaw. “Tedious. It feels like I’m always at the doctor, yet nothing changes. I’m just shoveling money their way so I can get my zillion scripts refilled every month. My mom always wants to know what I found out at every appointment, like anything ever changes. The answer is nothing. They stare at that little laptop thing, ask the same questions, get the same answers, and then tell me they’ll see me in three months. I’m just another number to them.”
Shaw held his stare as he spoke. Joesph couldn’t explain it. He never had been able to say what it was about Shaw. Joesph told things to him he didn’t admit to anyone else. Shaw asked the same questions everyone did, but Joesph’s answers were real with Shaw. That was why Joesph couldn’t quit him. He didn’t feel this way with anyone else.
“I know it has to be frustrating.”
