Page 100 of Heartstrings & Horizons
“It’s okay to be weak sometimes. It’s normal — human, even. You don’t have to be strong for everyone all the time. And it meant everything to me that you let me see that part of you.”
The importance of this moment is not lost on me. There’s a certain expectation that men are to remain strong in the face of tragedy or hardship, lest their vulnerability be perceived as weakness. That Cade allowed me to witness his emotional depth is a gift. One that I will not take for granted.
Chapter 40
Paige
? Call Your Mom - Noah Kahan ft. Lizzy McAlpine
It’s time. I know I have a phone call to make and I can’t put it off any longer. I’ve tried to make the call several times over the last 24 hours, and every time my hand would tremble uncontrollably. Taking that first step feels like an insurmountable task. The thought of talking to someone about my struggles makes me feel exposed, terrified at the thought of reopening old wounds; laying myself bare in front of a stranger, and confronting emotions that I’ve kept buried for so long.
Taking a seat on the couch in the den, I take a deep breath, composing myself for the next step. My stomach bottoms out as I type out the now familiar number, hitting the green button to connect the call for the first time.
“Dr. Evelyn Hayes’ office, how can I help you?”
“Hi, my name is Paige Brooks. I’d like to make an appointment.”
Cade walks into the room, not saying a word as he takes his spot beside me, wrapping an arm around my shoulders in a showof support. I’ve never been good at asking for help. Taking this step feels freeing, but it also means admitting that I can’t fix things on my own.
Goose settles himself on my lap with a contented purr as I give the receptionist my information and schedule my first appointment for a week out. Tapping the red button to end the call, I exhale for what feels like the first time since I picked up the phone.
“I’m so fucking proud of you, baby,” Cade says, swiping away a tear that I didn’t realize had escaped. I choke on a sob as I collapse into his arms. I don’t know how long I lay there, my tears soaking his shirt, his hands skating up and down my back in a soothing pattern.
“You’re so damn strong.”
I can’t speak so I let him hold me while I sob until I fall asleep in his arms.
Cade
The week leading up to Paige’s first appointment with Dr. Hayes was one of the hardest weeks of my entire life. I felt helpless watching the woman I love struggle to function every day. I took a leave of absence from work to be with her, thankful that I’ve surrounded myself with supportive friends and family. Liam assured me that he had everything under control at the bar, and we received daily check-ins from all our friends. It was a comfort to know that she had so much support.
During the day, I tried to keep things as normal as possible, hoping a little bit of routine would bring her some comfort. I cooked her meals that she would often only pick at, helped her shower and brushed through her hair at night while we watched her favorite movies. When night fell, she’d toss and turn, restlessness taking over. Those nights were the hardestand the powerlessness was suffocating.
Paige collapsed onto the couch in her usual spot, the weight of the world evident in her sullen expression. Some days were harder than others.
“Come here, baby. Sit in front of me.”
She gave me a questioning look then moved to sit on the floor between my legs, her back resting against the couch. I tenderly gathered her hair, my fingers moving gently through her curls, carefully separating them into sections.
“What are you doing?”
“I’m braiding your hair. I noticed it gets tangled when you’re having trouble sleeping and I thought this might help.”
Paige turned then, looking at me with such tenderness, eyes shining with unshed tears. These were different, less sorrowful. I placed a gentle kiss on her forehead, lingering for a second longer than normal. She turns back around and I continued to weave my fingers through her hair, a sense of peace settling over the room.
“I didn’t know you could braid,” she murmurs, her words coming out slightly choked.
“I taught myself last night.”
“Cade…” my name drifts out like a prayer, lingering in the air before piercing my heart.
“I would do anything for you, Paige.”
She lets out a long exhale, as I tie off the end of the braid. I help her stand, placing her between my parted thighs and cradling her face.
“Walking away has never been an option, not even when I was doing my best not to fall in love with you. I think a part of me knew, even then, that you were the other half of my heart. You are the easiest person to love, Paige. Let me.”
The upcoming appointment with Dr. Hayes was the only light at the end of the tunnel, but it also filled me with worry. What if it didn’t help? What if opening those wounds makes things worse? I tried to push my niggling doubts aside, focusing instead on supporting her in the only ways I knew how. I would hold her, let her break, and in the quiet moments, I’d try to carefully knit those pieces back together.
