Page 99 of Heartstrings & Horizons
“No, please. Let me finish. I’m sorry, Paige. So fucking sorry.”
“It isn’t your fault, babe.” Paige takes several steps in my direction, stopping just shy of where I’m seated before she moves some of the pillows to make a spot for herself at my side.
“I love you, Paige. I can’t fucking lose you, but I don’t know how to fix this.” I run my hands through my hair, resting them on the back of my neck, several fresh tears landing on the floor below.
“You don’t have to fix this, Cade. I love you. I’m not going anywhere.” She turns her body to face mine, her knee bumping my hip as she rests her forehead on my shoulder, inhaling a steading breath.
Paige
I close my eyes, my heart aching for the painI’vecaused.
“Paige. Do you… regret this?”
His bloodshot eyes meet mine, and the anguish I see there breaks my heart. I pull him to me, his head resting on my chest. A sob racks his body as he clings to me, allowing his hardened exterior to crumble for the first time. Cade is tough — a rock for everybody around him. The thought that he’s letting me in, allowing me to comfort him, only makes me love him more.
“I love you, Cade Brooks. I would never regret this. Ever.” I kiss his head in that all too familiar way that he kisses mine when I’m in need of comfort. Being able to give it back to him in some way fills me with contentment. I think I needed to know that he needs me as much as I need him; that I’m not just here to lean on his strength, but to give back some of my own when his is lacking.
His breathing steadies, and he lifts his gaze to my face. I’m certain that we both look completely run down. I cup his cheeks and bring our foreheads together.
“I need you to listen. Really listen.”
He nods.
“I will never leave you. Not willingly. I need to carve out a place for myself here, one that is entirely mine, and you have to let me do that. “And,” I pause, steadying myself to speak thehardest words I’ve ever uttered out loud, “I think… I think maybe it’s time I talk to someone about my depression.”
Cade’s breath hitches, his eyes shining with more unshed tears. I feel a sudden rush of sadness for the agony I’ve unleashed on him. I never wanted to pull him into my darkness, despite his promise to hold all of my broken pieces.
“I’m sorry. So sorry.” I say, my voice barely registering in the quiet of my library.
He lets out a shaky exhale. “It’s okay not to be okay, baby. Whatever you decide, I’m here for you. Always.”
“Nothing can be fixed tonight. Let’s go back to bed. We’re too big to sleep on this window seat and we both need the rest.”
I stand first, holding out my hand for him to follow. Leading him down the hallway to our room, I look back and meet his gaze. A small smile plays at his lips before he rushes towards me and wraps me in a fierce hug.
“I love you, Paige Brooks.”
“I love you, Cowboy. So much.”
We don’t talk about what happened; we don’t need to. We both know how monumental that moment was for us, so we just stand like that for a time, holding each other outside of our bedroom door. Eventually, the somber mood seems to dissipate, replaced by something headier.
“I want you.” I whisper.
“Thank fuck,” he grunts, then he’s hoisting me in his arms, striding into our bedroom with renewed purpose.
A few short strides into the room, he places me on my feet at the base of the bed before shucking off his clothing and all but tearing mine off, too. He carefully lifts me in a bridal style hold before placing me gently in the middle of the bed.
Crawling over me, he lays kiss after agonizing kiss along every inch of my body. Our mouths meet in unbridled passion, setting my body on fire as we come together. It’s not rough or frenzied like usual. It’s slow and agonizingly beautiful. We’re not just fucking this time. He’s making love to me, worshiping me as he whispers beautiful words into my ears.
“I love you.”yes.
“You own me.”yes.
“You were made for me.”yes.
“Thank you,” Cade whispers.
“I thinkIshould be thankingyou, Cowboy.” He laughs then inhales a stuttered breath. “That’s not what I meant, baby. Thank you…for letting me fall apart. It meant a lot to me that you didn’t just see a weak man.”
