Page 28 of Party Favors
“Here you are, Kassi May,” she said, reading the tag she gave to Amanda. “And Ben. Ha!” She handed that one to Benji. Her own name tag readAshley.
Then she picked up a plastic wine glass as she breezed in the door. She was happy to see Amanda and Benji followed suit.
“What are we doing?” Benji asked.
Wren turned to find Amanda with a huge smile on her gorgeous face. Wren loved when people got on board with her crackpot ideas.
“Gettin’ a free drink. Come on.”
Almost everyone else in the room was wearing business casual, so Wren and Benji, in particular, stuck out, but no one stopped them as they got their white wine.
They sat in some chairs in the back of the room while other people milled about. On each chair was a notepad with a numbered list and the words “New Year, New You: Goals and Resolutions” at the top.
“Welcome, welcome, welcome, my family!” a white man said from the stage at the front of the room. He was in a three-piece suit but was barefoot. “Please find a seat and center yourself for the journey ahead.”
“Wanna take bets on if this is a cult, a business retreat, or an MLM?” Wren asked.
Amanda snorted into her drink. “What do you think they’re selling? This terrible wine?”
“It is bad, isn’t it? I like the cup, though.” The wine glass had an ugly logo on it that gave them no hints about the direction of the event.
“As I’m sure you all know, I’m Dr. Astral Smith,” the man said.
“Astral?” Benji whispered, and they laughed. “Quick, finish your drinks so I can get us seconds before it gets weird.”
To Wren’s delight, Amanda downed her drink and handed her cup to Benji.
“Thank you for being brave,” Dr. Astral Smith said. “Thank you for understanding that you can reach a higher plane of conscientiousness.”
“Did he sayconscientiousness?” Wren asked. “Maybe this is an etiquette workshop.” Wren finished her drink and passed her cup over to Benji.
He stood up and rushed to get a refill.
“Everyone should stay in their seats from this moment forward,” Dr. Astral said, a hardness in his artificially floaty voice.
Wren and Amanda both whipped around to see Benji freeze with the three full wine glasses balanced in his hands. He tiptoed back to Wren and Amanda, sending them into a fit of giggles.
“Your rules for the next ten hours include no speaking unless given permission, no leaving your seat unless given permission, and absolutely no cell phones. The purpose of today is to learn to wallow in your discomfiture.”
“Yes, nothing says new year, new you like discomfiture,” Wren said under her breath, loud enough for Benji and Amanda to hear.
“Let’s start by closing our eyes. Imagine the thing you most want to change in your life.”
Wren glanced around. Both Amanda and Benji had closed their eyes, but Amanda was still drinking her wine, a smile on her face.
Wren closed her eyes and, surprisingly, complied with Dr. Astral Smith’s instructions. She thought about her loft apartment, which she loved. Her career. Her roller derby team. Her friends.
She didn’t want to change any of those things, but sharing them with someone would be nice. She would probably have to change some things to finally convince a partner or partners she was worth the trouble, though. No late nights. No drunken tattoos. No sneaking into freaky self-help workshops.
She didn’t want to change herself or to tone it down, but she was tired of being lonely.
“Okay. Open your eyes. Let the light of your new understanding underwhelm you,” Dr. Astral said.
Underwhelm? Wren had no idea if the word had been intentionally used, but it made Amanda choke on her wine.
“Now, turn to your pads of dreams,” Dr. Astral whispered, his lapel mic picking up his voice quite clearly.
What the fuck were pads of dreams? Wren glanced around to find the others in the room messing around with the notepads that had been left on their chairs.
