Page 29 of Party Favors
“Write out your resolutions for next year,” Dr. Astral continued. “Think about whatyoucan do to improve your existential existence. What can you change? Be brave! Be bold! What will most help you earn the life you deserve as children of Mother Earth? What about that evil thing the universe calls ‘money?’ Do you need it? How can you get more of it?”
Wren peeked over at Benji’s pad of dreams. He was making a grocery list. Amanda was leaning over hers, her hair obscuring it from Wren’s view.
Wren took a deep breath and started writing. Her first resolutions were ones she always picked and usually fulfilled.
Grow the business in ethical and inclusive ways.
Finish a new line of lingerie.
It was the resolutions that followed that hollowed her out. They didn’t feel right, in her gut, even as she was writing them.
Exhibit ability to be serious and commitment-worthy in next relationship.
Think before I leap into relationships.
The last resolution was the easiest one to write, and, she realized, the one that was most important to her in that moment.
Fix friendship with Amanda so this getaway doesn’t ruin everything.
“Wonderful, wonderful. Thank you for being so brave,” Dr. Astral said. “I know how difficult it is for you to be honest with yourself … Now tear up those resolutions. Do it! Rip them to shreds. They. Do. Not. Matter.”
Wren was so surprised by his instructions she actually followed them.
“Throw the shreds in the air! Anoint your neighbors with your failures.”
The crowd did so, creating a snowstorm of paper around the room.
“What the fuck?” Benji gritted out under his breath, shoving his grocery list in his pocket. Wren laughed and tossed her resolutions at him.
She turned to Amanda to see her frozen there with her paper neatly folded in her hand.
“I don’t want to rip them up,” Amanda whispered.
“Then don’t.” Wren laid her hand over Amanda’s, closing the paper more firmly in her grasp. “Keep ’em.”
“Failures!” Dr. Astral shouted. “Successes! Disappointments! Money! Grief! Contentments! Here at GLOF, we know how to live a better life. It starts and ends with you. It starts and ends with your network of contacts. Your circle of friends and family. It starts and ends with”—Dr. Astral produced a large cannister with a flashy label from inside the podium— “Smart Body Energy Booster Health Powder.”
“Oh fuck, itisan MLM,” Wren groaned.
A man in front of them shushed her over his shoulder.
Wren downed the last of her wine. Amanda and Benji quickly did the same.
“Let’s blow this popsicle stand,” Wren said.
Amanda nodded, and Benji was already up and out of his chair.
They rushed through the back of the room and practically fell through the door in laughter, Dr. Astral Smith’s reprimand echoing behind them.
Once they were out of the banquet hall and safely in the bar, Benji held up his plastic wine glass. “What do you think GLOF stands for anyway?”
“Global Lifestyle Opportunity Fulfillment,” Amanda said.
“Really?” Benji said, kind of agog.
“No!” Amanda laughed. “I put a bunch of enlightenment gibberish words together.”
Wren giggled and put her head against Amanda’s shoulder. Amanda rested her cheek on the top of Wren’s head. Benji’s eyes went big, and Wren scowled at him.
