Page 19 of Beholden
“No. No need,” he managed.
Now, his journal along with his pen and ink pot lay abandoned by his side. As I rose to my elbows, I was tempted to read the words he’d carefully penned there—apparently before allowing himself to fall asleep. What had he reported about my activities of the previous night? If only he hadn’t written anything.
Already, I guessed the Lagting would be none too pleased when they read Ty’s account of my going off with Gabriella. Thus, I’d explained to Ty the true nature of my agreement with her. I hadn’t wanted him to think I was trifling with the noblewoman or romantically involved. I certainly couldn’t have him conveying such details in the journal and misinforming the Lagting.
But how could I explain the shift I sensed between Gabriella and myself? After spending so much time together, it was only natural we were becoming friends. But was our pretense turning into more?
I sat up and rubbed a hand across my eyes. The last thing I wanted to do was unintentionally lead Gabriella to believe something more permanent could ever exist between us.
Perhaps I shouldn’t have gone back to seek a jewel. And yet how could I have done anything less? It wasn’t in my nature to stand helplessly by while someone suffered.
I peered at the open journal again, then pushed myself up so I wouldn’t give way to the temptation to read it. Even as I combed my hair with my fingers and tied it back with my leather strip, I feared that with each passing day, Ty’s account of my activities was making me look less worthy of becoming the next king of Scania and not more. I had to prove to him—and the Lagting—I was serious about my Testing here in Warwick. But how?
As I left the hut, the other slaves stopped in the midst of their evening meal preparation to congratulate me again. Gone was the wariness and mistrust. Acceptance and warmth filled their faces instead. Even Curly nodded at me across the fire pit where he relaxed next to Molly.
I glanced around, hoping to see Gabriella, and immediately half a dozen people directed me to the infirmary. Was my growing interest in her that readable? Or had our ruse already convinced everyone we adored each other?
Whatever the case, I should have guessed she’d be in the infirmary. That’s where she spent the majority of her time. And of course, now with Alice having taken ill, she’d spent nearly every waking moment there.
Taking the praise in stride, I crossed to the infirmary and paused at the door. A soft melody wafted outside, beautiful and poignant at once. Gabriella had a lovely singing voice, and at times I found myself just listening, unable to interrupt.
With everyone watching me, however, I hovered only a moment longer before I ducked through the low doorway. At the sight of me, her song came to an abrupt end.
I made myself look at Alice, although I wanted nothing more than to take in Gabriella’s beauty. The memory of her gratitude from earlier, the wideness of her eyes, the delight in her expression, brought a rush of warmth to my chest. And when she’d hugged me...
No, I wouldn’t allow myself to think about her embrace, how she’d been the one to initiate it.
“How is Alice?” I asked.
“After I administered the decoction of yarrow and willow bark, her fever broke within the hour.” Gabriella’s voice was filled with such joy I couldn’t keep from sharing a look with her. She smiled at me again, as she had earlier, and I knew I’d go down into the depths of the mine and do it all over again for that smile.
“She awoke a short while ago and had something to eat,” Gabriella continued. “And now she is resting peacefully.”
“I am heartily glad to hear it.” Seeing that Alice was the only one currently in the infirmary, I wanted to sit across from Gabriella and simply be with her. Her gentle spirit had a way of soothing the troubled soul as much as her singing did. And yet, hadn’t I just admonished myself to maintain better boundaries with her? After all, when I returned to Scania, the Lagting would finish making my marriage arrangements to a woman of their choice, likely a princess of royal lineage. Such a union would bring glory and power to Scania.
Gabriella brushed her hand across her servant’s cheek. “’Tis my fault she is here. And I cannot allow her to die.”
Some, like Curly, were strong enough to endure indefinitely. But from what I’d heard, most slaves didn’t last long—maybe a year or two. Alice would be hard-pressed to make it through the summer.
What about Gabriella? How long would she be able to live in this harsh environment?
My stomach roiled at the prospect of her having to remain here for months, perhaps years, languishing until she was as haggard and maimed as some of the slaves who’d survived the longest.
Once I finished my six months of Testing, how would I be able to depart from this place, knowing how much she still suffered? In truth, how would I be able to leave anyone behind?
“I wish there were more I could do for Alice,” I said. “And for you.”
“You need not worry about me. I am able to fend for myself.”
“Yes, you are indeed a strong woman.” She possessed a reservoir of fortitude I didn’t understand. How could she keep giving so much of herself day after day?
“If only I could find a way to secure a release for Alice and Benedict.” She caressed Alice’s cheek again. “They do not deserve to be here.”
“Neither do you.”
She focused on Alice, and for a few seconds I allowed myself the pleasure of taking in Gabriella’s beauty—the soft red of her hair, the elegance of her features, the sweetness that emanated from her.
When she peeked at me a moment later, I dropped my attention to Alice.
